Hey guys, feedback is always appreciated:
Former Bush White House spokesman Tony Snow died this weekend at the age of 53. But there is some bad news: if Christians are wrong, then he is not currently rotting in Hell.
Thanks in advance for your notes.
Today, LaToya Jackson announced that her brother Michael Jackson was murdered and that she knows who did it.
"It was Annie. She was okay for a long time, but then she killed him. Also, my dad is the creepiest, most satanic human being alive."
I would probably shoot myself in the head if I had to write this sort of formulaic bullshit every day. Seriously, guys... what are we doing here? This feels like math and sadness.
You mean aside from the triple double negative that makes it almost impossible to figure out?Originally Posted by justtookadump
"Even gutter hags trump pretty boys." - BabyCakes
Dickishness aside, it's also not particularly clever.
"Lol republicans are bad!" is kind of hackneyed and generic. That could have been anyone and the joke would still "work." It's like yelling "Hey, faggot!" at a gay person in contrast to Louise CK's bit about abnoxious gay people. Just kind of artless.
Unlike the joke above it, which is clever but still a "Gotcha!"
My main problem is that Tony Snow died on July 12, 2008.
Really? Why did Karl Rove tweet about it today? Weird.
I was gonna do a LaToya "they killed my brother" Jackson joke!!!
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up." - Alex Mac
R.I.P. Greg Giraldo 1965-2010
2 + 2 = 4. We're both shitheads.
I beg to differ, sir. I am a MUCH bigger shithead than anyone here.
"LaToya Jackson accused her brother Michael's entourage of being enablers and murderers. It's ironic that these were also the same people who handled her recording career."
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up." - Alex Mac
R.I.P. Greg Giraldo 1965-2010
I can't get this out of my head, so here goes. It's not funny, I just can't get it out of my head.
"THINGS OVERHEARD AT MICHAEL JACKSON'S MEMORIAL SERVICE"
LaToya: "I sure hope the camera gets my good side when we go on stage!"
Joe: "Now if I could only get Paris to cry on the beat and teach 'Blanket' how to moonwalk!"
Mariah Carey (to self): "Tears and tits...tears and tits...tears and tits..."
Berry Gordy: "If only I had exploited the shit out of him more than I already did!"
"Diana Ross would have been here but they told her that all the cameras were going to be on Michael."
"When the Jackson family thanks Michael, I hope they don't refer to him by their nickname for him-'Meal Ticket since 1983."
Usher: "I've got it! I'll touch the casket AND cry during 'Gone Too Soon'!! Maybe THEN I'll have credibility!!"
Michael Jackson: "Does this $25,000 solid bronze and gold casket make me look fat?"
Last edited by MJEH; July 19, 2009 at 7:21 AM.
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up." - Alex Mac
R.I.P. Greg Giraldo 1965-2010
Today's Yahoo headline: "Sears Tower is No More." Country star Alan Jackson was halfway through writing a tribute song for the victims before someone told him they are just renaming the building.
A woman charged with murdering her 3 1/2-week-old son used a knife and two swords to dismember the child and ate parts of his body, including his brain, before stabbing herself in the torso and slicing her own throat, police said Monday.
Punchline Derby!
1. She lost me at "brain".
2. In all fairness, the swords were wicked awesome.
3. In all fairness, if she had dismembered and eaten the brain of her cat, you'd still be just as mad.
4. Producers of MTV's "Jackass", citing both their policy of not accepting unsolicited video submissions and the fact they've been off the air for several years now, returned her tape unopened.
5. At first she claimed the devil told her to do it. It was later discovered that "feed on the brains of your child" was actually the mantra espoused over and over again in her recently purchased "Fostering Early Communication Between Mothers and Newborns" audiobook.
6. Not only that, it turns out she never even used that stroller I bought her!
7. The family forever regretted dismissing Dr. Kratching's "Postpartum aggression" diagnosis as a typo.
Too soon DIC...
Joey Logano is turning some heads in NASCAR. A lot of the older drivers are starting to see him as a serious threat for the future... I, on the other hand, won't take him seriously until he grows a mustache or something. Every time the camera shows him without his helmet on, I half-expected for him to say 'trick-or-treat'.
If not now, when? I guess I'll just have to wait for the wounds to heal*
*The mom's wounds, not those of her dead son**
**He lost the ability to create scar tissue when he was murdered and cannibalized.
Sorry buddy, but murdered babies is something that will never be funny. So, not now and not ever.
Our thoughts and prayers go out to the victim's loved ones.
Yeah, stick to stuff that everyone can relate to, like obscure Nascar drivers.
"Even gutter hags trump pretty boys." - BabyCakes
8. The good news is, that baby's still fuckable.
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