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Walking through a hotel lobby.

Guy 1: “I use the same amount of meat – and I make NINE burgers. And they’re BIG!”
Guy 2: Totally sincerely with no sarcasm: “That’s FANTASTIC!”

If you ask me, it's not the young people of today who are to blame - it's their companions who are the problem.

A Steve Martin compilation DVD is coming out the same day as Get A Life. That week is going to be hard on the 'ol wallett...


...

I immediately thought of the John Mulaney bit during that scene...

Jon Lovitz?

For some reason her line in one of the Tenacious D episodes pops into my head with alarming regularity and for no appropriate reason: "Alright...which one of you assholes is gonna fuck me?"

Roy Scheider: "We're gonna need a bigger basement."

And a Tilly sister! Although I'm not sure which Tilly is considered more popular. I guess I'd have to say Jennifer is - due to her tits.

I have the same problem when me and my mom watch Green Acres together over the phone.

Yup - quoted from an article. They are assholes.

I'm embarrassed to admit that I know this, but here goes:


The Emmy nominations are out...
On the comedy side, Jim Parsons of "The Big Bang Theory" was voted best actor in a comedy and should...

I smell setup.
I think that he was purposely given an awful set of "jokes" and - since he has no sense of humor - wasn't aware that the jokes stunk.
Somebody had a hell of a good laugh...

I feel the same way about Chris Elliott - especially with that hair!

I've seen pictures of my grandpappy that were taken in the '20's and his style was pretty similar. If he wasn't dead I'd ask him if his hair got in his face when he was beating the shit out of...

Not if you're dating Ray Liotta.

Isn't this true of almost everybody?

Screw that - you fuckers have had it too good for too long!

Jesus. That was brutally honest...

When I first started drinking, I had seen the Dick Move in question pulled, so I thought I'd try it myself. Unfortunately, I got confused and put my bottle UNDER the bottle of my buddy and hit the...

As if you need ANOTHER reason to cart your ass from the other side of the country to attend this event, Norm MacDonald is performing at the DC Improv.

Tickets still available for some shows...
...

I'm unquestionably in. Gotta outdraw Beck. If his 87,000 equals 1,000,000, then our 125,000 should equal 1,500,000.

I've got it on my Tivo, but haven't watched it yet.

I'm a big fucking help.

Homer Simpson does not have a goatee.

I've said that (the second part - not the first part) to my wife on several ocassions and she NEVER laughs. But I do. Heartily.


"Don't blame the dildos!" (Or is it "dildoes"?)

Must be said...

What a needledick.