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Hamburgers aren't named for ham, just like frankfurters aren't named for a guy named Frank.

^ Needs a question mark.

It might be the wine talking, but drink me, I'm delicious.

Howard's eyeballs are extra sensitive to gravitational pull. It's not his fault!

"It's me, John Lennon! The biggest creep in the world!"

Are you diabetes? RT // @robdelaney I killed 11 people at Walmart yesterday.

#footballslang Illegal touching. It used to be just an on-field thing.

The pregnancy test they sell at the dollar...

You're flailing pretty hard there. What MIB said wasn't a slight on Kerry, but a statement of fact. Comedy and porn deal with the same issue, an overabundance of male participants.

I don't get why Todd keeps stonewalling all of these big stars. It's like he's afraid of success.

No, Seriously w/ Todd Glass

Haw-haw. You can't read.

Nickname?

Am I the only one here who really likes Outsourced? I don't. But if I did, would I be the only one?

I've never been in a movie theater and wondered aloud why the people around me are laughing. That happened no less than three times during this movie. I really wanted to like it, but it was just bad....

You could monitor me listening to the Anthony Jeselnik album and measure my disappointment.

Caligula

Everybody must get down.

What about the one where he has a shitty blog and tries to get people to view it by bringing up hot-button issues like his movies?

I disagree. She was lazy and needed encouragement.

It's too bad you can't select 'Die' on an embedded video.

Made me laugh anyway...

nIxk2Oz2TbI

Bet your house on it (as long as it's me taking the bet).

That was likely a fever dream. Go back to sleep.

Is it a Batman fan site?

The plot thickens...

http://www.paulftompkins.com/blog_detail.php?id=48

Gallagher also knows that it's not what the comedian wants, it's what the audience wants.