Search:

Why do they call a "window" a "window? Because when the wind hits the glass, the wind is all like "ohhhh..."

Lewis Black.

I love his build up to a punch line, and they usually end with him yelling. I love it.

I used to have a problem with pot. I would smoke any chance I got, even on the way to work. It was really dangerous driving down the interstate while loading a bowl and then putting in eye drops. But...

"My wife has a problem of talking during her sleep... and when she's awake."

"You guys wanna hear the first joke I ever told on stage?

Ok, well I get really nervous on stage when I know there is a pretty girl in the audience, so tonight i’m fine.
...

You guys still...

Its decent, but i'm not sure if it's strong enough to carry itself. Do you have other jokes about ex girlfriends or mental disorders that you can add this to?

My wife and I have been married for 13 months (beat) and have had 13 pregnancy scares.

After the last one, I said enough is enough, so we decided to start using the pill. I'm not a huge fan of...

Yeah, I'm not a fan of the negative rating thing. It doesn't help anybody out.

I'm trying to write a joke that not only gets laughs, but makes people want to dance. Stay tuned.

Not sure if this will work for the stage. If you wanted to make a video and put it on youtube, that would be a pretty funny parody though.

Ha, well... it was a she. And she has a big ole' camera.

I never should have asked this. I feel like a douche. Partly because it took me about 2 minutes to figure out how to spell douche, and I got bored at work and asked a dooshy question on a good...

When should I get a headshot? I'm not headlining... yet. Wait until then?

I won my first comedy competition last night. There were only 8 of us, but it felt good to know that 50 strangers in the audience felt that I was the funniest. Shit's pretty cool sometimes.

Man I haven't used that joke yet. I have it all written out, just haven't worked it into my act yet. But I did write this joke this morning... thoughts?

"I was driving to Tulsa for a show...

Harry knocked that one out of the park. That version is superb. The original joke works too, so you should use both of 'em. (Preferably on different nights)

"I don’t have any complaints about my marriage. My wife does, we’ll get to those here in minute, but I guess If I were to complain about anything at this point, it would be that in one year of...

Thanks. I have some other marriage jokes, but they don't involve me doing something by myself and then my wife walking in on me doing something inappropriate or talking to myself.... yet.

Just say "Fuck it" and get on stage.

Thank you Erik & Tex. This helps.

If you drop that first sentence this could turn out to be a pretty good one liner.

Maybe you could use the pillow fight as a reference to a time you were in an actual pillow fight...

"...so...

Thanks Jimmy!

I'm putting together a show in a few weeks, and i'm thinking of having a 30 minute open mic time slot with 5-6 open micr's at the beginning of the show. I'm having a hard time deciding what to do...

Ok.

But can you help me with my jokes? Is there a thread for that?

Have you ever gone to sleep hungry and then had a dream about ordering food? And then you wake up really mad because you never got your order? Or they simply got your order wrong?

Since we got married and started living together, I’ve noticed that most of our conversations start with me asking “How long have you been standing there”...