Writing News Jokes

[scamboogah]

Yeah, but hated most isn't as funny, Debbie Downer.

[RubelT]

[MJEH]

I admit I didn't read the whole thing. There are a couple that were OK. Most of them are horrible.

So you're saying that sending my 15-page resume of jokes to the
Letterman people is a waste of time, money, and hope for my future???

Your advice would be to:

A) Burn it?

B) Put it in a safety deposit box for future posterity?

C) Send it to the Jimmy Fallon people instead?

[forgetiheardthat]

Nearly 2 percent of the U.S. population have some kind of paralysis, according to a survey published on Tuesday.

Spinal cord injuries and strokes accounted for more than half those affected, the telephone survey found.

It is unclear as to what affliction comprises the balance of those affected since they were sitting more than 4 feet away from their phone during the survey.

I don't get this one.

[Harry B]

I don't get this one.

Because they were conducting a phone survey asking people why they were paralyzed. Since they are paralyzed they couldn't get to the phone to answer the survey.

[scamboogah]

The founder of the 'Minutemen Militia', the group that patrols Arizona's border looking to capture illegal aliens, is planning to run for US Senate against John McCain in the next election. He is expected to carry the 'I am so dense that I have no idea how the food service industry works, why my vegetables are so cheap, and how my yard and pool are maintained' vote.

[Fentmore]

A Florida pharmacy today admitted that the recent horse deaths at a polo match were attributed to wrongly prepped medications. Hillary Clinton vowed increased regulation on the Horse Health Care system citing her new "No Equine Left Behind" legislation.

[Brian J.]

A London taxi driver has been sentenced to eight years in prison for drugging and sexually assaulting female passengers. The worst part is, during the rapes, he left the meter running. Hey oh!

[Berliner]

Recently, members of the semi-popular comedy forum AST started a "writing news jokes" thread. The members soon discovered that Jay Leno's job is harder than it looks.

[RubelT]

Former Gov. Rod Blagojavich says he was willing to eat bugs for his children on a reality TV show but a judge saved him from that when he denied him travel to Costa Rica, serving him another helping of crow.

[yumitree]

chris dewolfe, co-founder of myspace has announced that he will be stepping down as chief executive of the company. the announcement was made when dewolfe removed tom as his top friend.

[Harry B]

A new pets-only airline has launched and aims to make the skies friendlier for animal passengers by offering animals all the amenities human passengers enjoy.

On the inaugral flight, Roscoe, a 3 year old schnauzer and a pillow became the first to join the Mile High Club.

[Harry B]

chris dewolfe, co-founder of myspace has announced that he will be stepping down as chief executive of the company. the announcement was made when dewolfe removed tom as his top friend.

Good one.

[scamboogah]

Recently, members of the semi-popular comedy forum AST started a "writing news jokes" thread. The members soon discovered that Jay Leno's job is harder than it looks.

They also discovered that Berliner and Tron don't have the guts to try it themselves and would rather just sit in the back of the room rolling their eyes and making fart noises with their armpits.

(Actually, that sounds like fun. Can I join you guys?)

P.S. Please move this post to the Jay Leno appreciation thread.

[scamboogah]

On the inaugral flight, Roscoe, a 3 year old schnauzer and a pillow became the first to join the 100 Mile High Club.

100 miles would be halfway to the moon. It's just the 'mile high' club, or as it's called in Canada, the 1.65km camp.

I like that you gave the dog a name. Totally unnecessary, but it gave it a nice personal touch.

[Harry B]

100 miles would be halfway to the moon. It's just the 'mile high' club, or as it's called in Canada, the 1.65km camp.

I like that you gave the dog a name. Totally unnecessary, but it gave it a nice personal touch.

Oops. Maybe Berliner was right.

[Berliner]

They also discovered that Berliner and Tron don't have the guts to try it themselves and would rather just sit in the back of the room rolling their eyes and making fart noises with their armpits.

(Actually, that sounds like fun. Can I join you guys?)

P.S. Please move this post to the Jay Leno appreciation thread.

Oh, I know I'd be shitty at it. Also, I was just keeedinggggggggggg.

[DiscoInferiorityComplex]

Jay Leno was hospitalized today, forcing the cancellation of tonight's "The Tonight Show" taping. Sources believe he may be suffering from food poisoning, while others speculate he threw out his back attempting to crowbar a "Bill Clinton is really horny" joke into his monologue.

[klorjne]

This week, a Boston University student was charged with robbing women who advertised erotic services on Craigslist and killing one of them. Didn't he read the enry closely? It's not OK to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests also don't steal their shit and kill them.

[scamboogah]

That font sucks. The joke is just ok.