Writing News Jokes

[crlygrl]

Is this the Leno thread?

[pixel revolt]

Madonna is reportedly outraged and distraught after her century old Italian villa failed to sell at a New York City auction over the weekend. According to reports the bidding was going fine until it was revealed that Madonna's century old Italian villa is actually just the nickname for her vagina.

[Big Box Of Money]

Madonna is reportedly outraged and distraught after her century old Italian villa failed to sell at a New York City auction over the weekend. According to reports the bidding was going fine until it was revealed that Madonna's century old Italian villa is actually just the nickname for her vagina.

Keep 'em comin', Pix.

[Brian J.]

I want to reply to so many of these jokes to say they made me laugh, but that would take a lot of posts. So great job to everybody writing jokes.

[darrylduffy]

thanks!

[yumitree]

mine were the best!

MORE NEWS JOKES:

What's black and white and red all over?
NOT THE BOSTON GLOBE IF THE NYT MAKES GOOD ON IT'S THREAT!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo Who?
Oh. Hi, Glen Beck!

<blink><marquee>NEWS JOKES</marquee></blink>

[scamboogah]

The Catholic Church, in a desperate attempt to be hip, released a parody video of the ShamWow adds called 'SoulWow'. The Church is much happier with this version than their first attempt, the 'ShamBelief System'...

[RubelT]

President Barack Obama is allowing Americans to make unlimited transfers of money and visits to relatives in Cuba. In response to the news the Cuban stock market went up then down then back to nonexistent.

[Barmy Man]

On tuesday, President Obama will make good on a promise made to daughters Sasha and Malia with the long awaited arrival of the "first puppy" to the White House - a portuguese waterdog named Bo. The dog's breed was a big factor, because Malia is allergic to pet dander. The dog's gender also played a part, because with Sasha, there's already a smelly bitch.

[pixel revolt]

Earlier this week Zac Efron revealed he is in talks to take over the role of Marty McFly in an upcoming Back to the Future remake. According to producers the film will be neither a sequel nor a reboot but actually a documentary about trying to rid the world of Zac Efron using time travel.

[pixel revolt]

The world's first adult film superstar Marilyn Chambers passed away this morning at the age of 56. To show their respects fans are planning a candle light vigil from her Los Angeles home to a nearby park. The vigil was organized after their original plans were ruined by their moms walking in with laundry.

[MJEH]

"Captain Richard Phillips was rescued safely by the US Coast Guard after being held captive by pirates. In a statement, he hoped that his ordeal would put an end to piracy. Afterwards, he and his family went home and watched a bootlegged copy of the 'Hannah Montana Movie'".

P.S. I was going to do a Marilyn Chambers joke, but the last time I did "too soon" material, I got chewed out
by Scammy! Oh, I see. OTHER people can do "too soon" material, but *I* can't!! WELL!!!

P.P.S. Does it make me look gay to say I like Zac Efron?? Y'know, as an actor.

[RubelT]

A Minnesota court confirmed Monday that former Comedian Al Franken won the most votes in his 2008 Senate race. He then held a press conference where he cracked jokes and thanked the reporters for the stage time.

[scamboogah]

P.S. I was going to do a Marilyn Chambers joke, but the last time I did "too soon" material, I got chewed out
by Scammy! Oh, I see. OTHER people can do "too soon" material, but *I* can't!! WELL!!!

Here's something you can print out and put in your wallet:

Massive earthquake with many deaths - Hold off for a little bit.
Anything involving porn stars - Green light go.

[Berliner]

Here's something you can print out and put in your wallet:

Massive earthquake with many deaths - Hold off for a little bit.
Anything involving porn stars - Green light go.

What if a localized earthquake hit the AVN awards thing?

[scamboogah]

In that case, any joke with the punchline, "Did anyone else feel that?" would be appropriate.

[MJEH]

Here's something you can print out and put in your wallet:

Massive earthquake with many deaths - Hold off for a little bit.
Anything involving porn stars - Green light go.

Yeah, I know. I was just messin' with ya.

Are Marilyn Chambers and Jack Wrangler having sex right now?
(This isn't the joke I was going to do btw.)

Okay. I wasn't sure if I should've put this in the "Late Night w/Fallon"
thread or this one. So I decided to throw caution to the wind (and
humor out the window) and post it here. (Why is life so challenging?!?!)

"Late Night with Jimmy Fallon seems to be having guest issues.
Apparently one way to solve this is to invite cast members from SNL
on the show. He's getting more desperate for ratings though as
next week's guests include the ghosts of John Belushi and Gilda
Radner."

[pixel revolt]

Simon Cowell says he may quit American Idol at the end of this season to focus on his two British shows X-Factor and Britain's Got Talent. In related news, Paula Abdul has announced she is going to quit using real words.

[JPSpaulding]

Yeah, I know. I was just messin' with ya.

Are Marilyn Chambers and Jack Wrangler having sex right now?
(This isn't the joke I was going to do btw.)

Okay. I wasn't sure if I should've put this in the "Late Night w/Fallon"
thread or this one. So I decided to throw caution to the wind (and
humor out the window) and post it here. (Why is life so challenging?!?!)

"Late Night with Jimmy Fallon seems to be having guest issues.
Apparently one way to solve this is to invite cast members from SNL
on the show. He's getting more desperate for ratings though as
next week's guests include the ghosts of John Belushi and Gilda
Radner."

To be fair Fallon couldn't even book those ghosts

[MJEH]

"Elvis fans in Mississippi have petitioned the state to make an Elvis license plate
to fund a youth center in his name. They need at least 300 people to order the plates. Now they just need to find 300 people in Mississippi who own cars."