Writing News Jokes

[MJEH]

I was thinking about the Pope's cologne, introduced awhile ago. something like,

"The Pope introduced a new cologne. On Catholics, it smells like roses. On Atheists and Agnostics, it smells like shit."

...or something like that...

the new Madonna CD...

"A new CD by Madonna came out today. AARP gives it three stars."

[MJEH]

I can't get these things outta my head, so there's only one way to do it - post them here in this vast wasteland of quasi-entertainment known as "Stage Time: Writing News Jokes".

They're rips on Lisa Lampanelli. Think of CC's Roasts. Which makes me wonder, who's next?

"Lisa Lampanelli is like a public bus from the fifties. It weighs six tons, is full of gas, and all the black guys come in the rear."

"Lisa Lampanelli has made more black guys cum than a new shoe from Nike."

"Lisa Lampanelli's snatch is so big it has it's own observation deck."

[nickyp123]

This isn't really a joke or about news, but I keep hearing this song "call me maybe" on the radio. And I'm just imagining Andy Kindler doing a cover of it. Like he's meeting a booker and trying to get on some show. His delivery with the words to that song would be awesome.

[MJEH]

I can't get this outta my head...

"A man in Florida won a cockroach eating contest and died soon after. Unfortunately, it was right before he was about to enter the Raid eating contest."

...or something like that...

[MJEH]

I'm going to "touch myself" in honor of Christina Amphlett. I think this is what she would've wanted.

I can't get this out of my head...

"Steve Martin recently became a father at age 67. At his age, his sperm didn't swim to the egg, they walked."