Writing News Jokes

[pg13]

I want it known that from the moment I hit "send" on this message that I am not reading this thread.

I write and perform "news jokes" for a living and the last thing I need is someone thinking that I'm just snagging my material from AST (instead of from www.currenteventjokes.org like everyone else in my field does.)

pg--I understand this whole OJ trial is quite the story!--seattle

PS--Honestly, this thread made me think of the Daniel Tosh joke about how offensive it must be for the people who actually live in the places where we shoot the tv show "Survivor".

What, you LIVE here? No, this is a GAME for us...

Spoiler:  

Actually, learning how to craft workable material from immediate sources IS really good jokecraft training. So, good luck to everyone participating.

I, however, as promised, must now never set foot in this thread again.

And no, I don't know why I started whispering either.

[scamboogah]

That currenteventjokes.org site does not seem to exist.

In nosing around, however, I found this list of 'Current Events and HOT Political Scandals' over at politicalhumor.about.com;

John Edwards Sex Scandal
DC Madam Sex Scandal
Clinton Scandal
Funny Schwarzenegger quotes
and of course, Gay Marriage jokes

Damn, About.com is on the ball!

[MJEH]

Wow way too milk that joke. I also like the joke about the New York Times. I like the way you craft your jokes. Any tips? Your style sounds like you should write for Letterman.

"Write" for Letterman?? Dude, I should BE Letterman! (joking)

Thanks for the compliments. The Disney thing is actually part of a "Top 10" list I did. The ones you got were, I thought, the better ones.(?)
Every once in awhile I like to pop out one of these based on topicalities.

I thought of something you might like to try BrianJ. Go to Letterman's
Late Show site http://lateshow.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/.
They have a "Top 10" section which not only gives you videos of, but
also allows you to read, "Top 10" lists. There's also a weekly contest where you get to submit your responses to a "Top 10" bit. You can win
a Late Show t-shirt if your response makes it. Letterman doesn't read
these on the air, but you can practice sending in entries. This little
"exercise in creativity" may be an assistant in building an awareness of
the type of material the Letterman show looks for.

P.S. Since you're all DYING to know-yes, I have submitted entries to the
Top 10 contest thingy on Letterman's site. I have "won" thrice.
("Who the hell says 'thrice' anymore?!?!")

"I won't say Disney World is expensive, but there's now a poster of Mickey Mouse at the park entrance,
holding an open wallet, with a sign saying, "You must be at least THIS wealthy to enter the Magic Kingdom."

[Brian J.]

The last few words of the set up should prime the audience for the joke they are going to hear.

Ex. A cereal company had to order new packaging for their boxes when their 800 number sent callers to a phone sex line. Callers were confused when they were asked what kind of nuts they like.

Thanks for the tip I used it to re-structure the jokes I wrote this morning.

- A female teacher in England, who posed for photos that appeared on the internet showing her wearing a thong, may be reprimanded or punished.
Meanwhile, her male students who saw the photos are punishing themselves.

- A woman is being imprisoned for causing a fatal car crash while texting.
The last text she sent before the crash read "omg I'm about 2 crash!

[cinemafreak]

Yes, the shamwow jokes are going to be over played for the next year, but if you need to have something in that vein, you can always spin it by adding that he did the Slapchop infomercials as well. So you've got a bit more material: "You'll love my nuts," "we're going to make America thin one slap at a time."
I'm sure you'd rather joke about something else, but I understand sometimes having to hit certain subjects.

[Brian J.]

Slapchop? That sounds like what he did to that hooker.

[DiscoInferiorityComplex]

A strong earthquake hit central Italy over the weekend, killing hundreds. That's-a-one-a-spicy-meat-a-ball!

[DiscoInferiorityComplex]

Farrah Fawcett is reportedly in the final throes of her battle with cancer. In related news, last week "Dr T and the Women" finally rose to the top of God's Netflix queue.

[DiscoInferiorityComplex]

An assassination plot against President Obama was thwarted yesterday in Turkey. The nerve! After all those pardons...

[DiscoInferiorityComplex]

A Chinese firm was indicted for smuggling material for nuclear weapons through banks. The banks would have uncovered the plot earlier, but they assumed the radioactive material was a bundle of bad mortgages. Zing!

[DiscoInferiorityComplex]

A missing 8-year-old California girl was found dead in a suitcase in a dairy-farm pond. Dairy farm owner Sam Sonite had no comment.

[scamboogah]

Last 5 DIC jokes;

No, no, yes, no, no.

Mendoza line.

[DiscoInferiorityComplex]

Before I did the math, I thought you were accusing me of ripping off John Mendoza.

[MJEH]

"General Motors is in really bad shape. They may even file for bankruptcy.
GM is so poor right now that Madonna is thinking of adopting it."

[sharilyn]

GM is so poor right now that Madonna is thinking of adopting it.

I lol'd.

To me, these kinds of jokes are 25% about the idea and 75% about finding the absolute perfect wording. If it were me looking at this one on the page, I would have naturally wanted to tighten it as much as possible, ie "GM is so poor, Madonna is considering adopting it". But would that have been wrong? Discuss.

[I love nny]

France has agreed to take one prisoner from Guantanamo off the U.S.'s hands as a good will gesture. As good will gestures go, this ranks right behind flipping the door open a little, so the guy behind you has a head start.

This one made me LOL, I can really see Seth Meyer doing something like that on WU.

[Big Box Of Money]

Last 5 DIC jokes;

Clap, clap, clap.

[scamboogah]

A Somali Pirate ship hijacked a ship with 20 Americans on board yesterday. It marks the first time Pirates have won in April since Willie Stargell retired...

(ask your parents)

[Big Box Of Money]

One of the stars of the movie "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle" has been offered a position in the Obama administration. When asked for comment the White House said "That kid who fucked the pie turned us down."

[scamboogah]

One of the stars of the movie "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle" has been offered a position in the Obama administration. When asked for comment the White House said "That kid who fucked the pie turned us down."

That's a nice piece of business.

(copyright JPFC enterprises)