At least 3 of the nations 19 largest banks have passed stress tests designed to see how they would fare if the economy worsens. Account holders in these banks can rest assured that no matter what happens they'll always have a place to deposit their unemployment checks.
I don't get it. Did he beat his wife or something?Originally Posted by Rob Delaney
I wasn't there, but he was arrested and charged with beating his wife the other day.
Oh no! That's horrible.
Kiefer Sutherland has been accused of head-butting a New York clothes designer outside an event in New York City Monday night. While the designer was not hurt seriously, there is still no word on the condition of the chair Kiefer had to stand on.
Hey, check me out. I'm a ghost.
According to the report I read, she was roughed up pretty good, too. Lots of visible scars and bruises.
What makes it even creepier is that it goes on to say that Schimmel dumped his first wife a while back, and that this new wife was formerly his daughter's best friend.
Ick.
Hey, check me out. I'm a ghost.
totally. can't young girls find people their own age to be friends with?
"This is not the Beach Boys. It can't be. Why? No beach songs! I thought it was some kind of joke. All 'Pet Sounds' offers is the opportunity to hear Brian Wilson whine for forty minutes, backed by elevator music. There's barely any Mike Love on the album at all."
Right wing radio host Michael Savage has threatened to sue the British government for defamation after he was placed on a blacklist of people banned for fostering extremism and hatred. So that now leaves Antigua and New Guinea as countries he hasn't pissed off yet.
Here's one for you geek-nerd-loser-types (i.e. EVERY ASTer):
"The new 'Star Trek' movie opens in theaters this weekend, and the studio is trying to organize a theme night event to promote it. Their original idea was 'Date-less Night', but they realized that this would be ANY night the movie was playing.
Doin' it "doggy-style" for the next two...
"In NYC, a birthday party was held for a dog who turned 21, or 147 in human years.
Guests were a little surprised when they realized the party was actually for Barbara
Walters who was turning only 146."
"An Oregon man used electric dog collars to 'stun' his children as a disciplinary measure. Neighbors complained when the children started chasing the neighbors' cats, stealing their newspapers, and shitting on their lawns."
Yes I know, these weren't that great. I haven't posted in awhile, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let Scammy get ALL THE GLORY!!!
Last edited by MJEH; May 10, 2009 at 7:33 PM.
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up!!" - Alex Mac
Lawyers of the group lorml staged a rally today to legalize legalization. Their leader, smitty, claimed that marijuana is non-harmful and is the key to his best ideas.
3 year old Joshua Childers was found thirsty, dirty and tired after spending two days and nights in a forest. The boy said he was on his way to his grandma's house but got distracted by a talking wolf.
"He's got a dick, why won't he talk about it?"
-Jimmy Pardo
Customers at an NYC Kentucky Fried Chicken allegedly rioted when the restaurant wouldn't take their coupons for a free meal. It's reminiscent of the 1993 Arby's Riots, when customers went on a rampage when the manager announced there were plenty of Beef n' Cheddars for everyone.
Last edited by DiscoInferiorityComplex; May 7, 2009 at 2:28 PM. Reason: I'm dumb
A Wall Street Journal Op-Ed piece states that the GOP needs to 'forget about Ronald Reagan', adding, "You know, like Ronald Reagan did..."
Hey, check me out. I'm a ghost.
A Simpsons themed US Postal service stamp was unveiled today at a first issue ceremony held at 20th century Fox studios in Los Angeles. Unfortunately 95% of the audience came out hoping to see a first issue Millhouse and had to be turned away disappointed.
Thanks for posting this.
So now I'm depressed. I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when she pulled back the curtain to reveal Frank Morgan.
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up!!" - Alex Mac
Trey Anastasio, front man for the music band Phish, testified to congress today about the benefits of drug courts instead of jail time. Those present described the testimony as long, meandering and pointless, but if you act like you enjoy it, skanky hippie chicks will totally fuck you.
Hey, check me out. I'm a ghost.
L.A. Dodger Manny Ramirez has been suspended from Major League Baseball for taking performance-enhancing drugs. Ramirez is claiming innocence stating that a physician gave it to him for a personal health issue. When pressed further he admitted "I just wanted to fit in my jockstrap for once."
"Saturday's College of Saint Rose, the college late night host Jimmy Fallon attended but never graduated from, gave him an honorary degree in communications. Apparently the school wanted to demonstrate that it has a better sense of humor than Fallon."
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up!!" - Alex Mac
They did like four jokes on this topic on tonight's Weekend Update on SNL. One of 'em was very similar to your second one. (Craaate and Baaarel or something like that.)
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