When to do the second telling of a joke?

[Babs]

Hi there folks. So I have this joke that I've been using as an opener (although I believe it will now rest a little further into my set). It goes like this:

I've been trying to lose weight lately. But it's like, no matter how many Trader Joe's "Reduced Guilt" tortilla chips I eat...I still feel bad about the abortion.

The second part...I explain that I have some friends in from far away...Mars, to be exact. And I wanted to make them feel a bit at home with some of their native language, so I've reworked my first joke to include some Martian vocabulary.

I've been trying to loose hoob lately. But it's like, no matter how many Captain Borf's "Reduced Guilt" laser frisks I mimuphenize....I still feel gleep glop about the space abortion.

I'm trying to find a better way to transition into this second telling of the joke, I don't know if the Mars thing works (I usually make a comment about how they aren't all three-titted hookers like Total Recall, and you're racist if you think that) and also figure out when I should do it. At this point I do it immediately after telling the first joke. But I'm wondering if I can tell another one in between? I don't know if the audience will remember the wording of the first one enough. Does anybody have experience with this kind of thing? Obviously I know it's something I just need to try on stage and see how it goes but just curious about these kind of "call backs" in general, I guess. I also don't know how to get out of the Mars thing AFTER the joke is over cause it's kinda weird, obviously.

[James Smann]

I reallllly like the first joke. Gold. The only problem I have with the second joke (which I would actually tell immediately after the first joke), is that it sounds an awful lot like an old Steve Martin bit about tailoring material to the audience and he tells a "joke" aimed at plumbers that are supposedly in the audience, chock full of plumbing terms, etc. But if your room isn't full of Steve Martin nerdofaces like me, then who cares?

Anyway yeah, that first joke is fucking genius.

[Babs]

Hmm welll I've never heard that Steve Martin bit so I'm not too worried unless he says "space abortion" in there somewhere. If anything I feel proud to have a concept close to something he did!!

Thanks for the kudos!

[James Smann]

It's on his Let's Get Small record, not sure what the track name or number is off hand. But yeah, like I said, it's not the exact same joke, it's just similar in concept, so please don't think I'm saying EFF YOU JOKE STEAL-FACE.

[Itslikeimsayin]

Using "gleep glop" in close proximity to "space _______" is derivative of Mr. Show, however. Specifically "gleep glop" raised a red flag for me. I Googled it to see if maybe those words were used as generic "Martian talk" prior to Mr. Show, but the results seemed to mostly point at referencing Mr. Show. I only bring this up because hearing "gleep glop" in association with aliens would take me out of your joke and make me question if you were referencing/stealing from that sketch (Racist in the Year 3000, Mr. Show ep 403).

[Berliner]

Space Coffin 2000.

[Roadside Phil]

The first joke is funny. I think the bigger problem with the second joke is plausibility. The reason that type of idea worked for Steve Martin is that it's perfectly plausible that a comic would end up doing some plumbers convention where they don't understand anything that doesn't involve pipes and wrenches.

But I think you'll take the audience out of the joke by using something as outlandish as Martians. To pull an idea out of Judy Carter's Comedy Bible... If you rephrased it to something like "My crazy drug-addled uncle who think he's a Martian is in the audience tonight. So the joke for him...." and then proceed.

[PaulC]

At this point I do it immediately after telling the first joke. But I'm wondering if I can tell another one in between?

I've seen you do both these jokes and I like them both a lot. For what it's worth, my instincts are:

1) If you do both jokes, do them back-to-back. The second joke hinges on the audience remembering wording of the first so the fresher the wording is in the audience's mind, the better the second joke will play.

2) With that in mind, make the wording of the Martian explanation as short and succinct as possible. "I have some friends here from out of town. Actually they're from Mars. So, if you don't mind, I'm going to do that joke again in Martian to make them feel welcome..." Something like that or shorter if you can figure out the wording. If you want to do the stuff about the three-boobed space hookers (which I think is funny), use that as a tag after you do the joke in Martian.

3) The first joke by itself works pretty well as an opener. If you want to do both jokes together, I think moving them further back in your set is smart. As an opener, the start-stop rhythm of the whole piece might make it hard to get momentum going for the rest of the set. Plus, it's a very dark joke followed by a very silly/absurd joke. Moving them to the middle of your set gives the audience time to warm up to you and your sensibilities so hopefully by the time you hit them with that combo, they're on your side and ready to follow you on that journey.

Add a large grain of salt and there you go.

[pixel revolt]

I've been trying to lose weight lately. But it's like, no matter how many Trader Joe's "Reduced Guilt" tortilla chips I eat...I still feel bad about the abortion.

I've been trying to loose hoob lately. But it's like, no matter how many Captain Borf's "Reduced Guilt" laser frisks I mimuphenize....I still feel bad about the abortion.

I think this is the closest thing you can get to a hard punchline/laugh- to play the setup of the martian talk hard for the first part of the joke, pause, and then say the last sentence unchanged and with the same intonation as the first reading. People are expecting you to "smooth" the harshness of the abortion line with silly Martian jibberish so it's funny to surprise them by saying 3 silly jibberish lines then leaving that last line just as harsh as it was the first time. It also is funny to think abortions are both universal and inter-galactical.

[PaulC]

pixel makes a good point, but, on the other hand, I think "space abortion" is hilarious. You could try it both ways and see if one works better than the other.

[James Smann]

You say Space Abortion, I think Hayden Christensen's performance in Episode 3.

#nerdfacestarwarsfag

[pg13]

Hey Barbara,

I've got some plausibility issues with the second joke as well. As it is, I think the best you can hope for from a traditional audience is a confused "WHAT?"...and from alt-centric audiences, you might get a "I want what she was smoking when she wrote that..." and giggles from how silly the second joke is...

My first thought was that you could build this into a repeated variations bit--where you tell the first joke up front...then, later in your act, you do the joke as if it was being rewritten and retold for another (more plausible) place that might still need a rewrite (the deep south comes to mind). It works as a callback and and as a twist of the comedy Rubik's Cube. THEN...near the end of your act, you'd do the joke a third time, this time being from Mars. That way, it works as an extended "rule of threes" joke...and you build in a certain level of expectation from the audience that structurally makes it funny.

The second thought I had was that the whole business of the "friends from Mars in tonight" makes this joke top heavy--the explanation seems to take more time than the punchline deserves. Maybe, the fix is to make it about weird places you have to play, as a comedian...(or how far you have to travel, as a comedian)...ground it in the real, with as few expository details as necessary.

The third thought I had was...maybe the joke you have is really just the set-up for a different punchline.

For example, if you do the joke as if you, the comedian, have to travel far to do your comedy...then after the re-told joke ends, you could pause, look nervous and then drop the "I guess you had to be there" standard tag on the end of it--pointing out the ludicrous nature of the idea that you were on Mars.

OR...perhaps the second joke is really about how Mars doesn't have its own word for "abortion"... (Idea spark: I remember how weird it was when I was in High School French clas, hearing on tape "En hiver, il aime jouer au football dans le Connecticut." Hearing "football" and "Connecticut" seemed so out of place...)

Picking up on that idea, you could THEN go on a much longer run of surreal imaginings based on why Mars doesn't have its own word for "abortion" (...at least, until the first visitors of Mars...who were all right-to-lifers, who couldn't stop talking about it. Ironically, planting the seed...that doomed Martian civilization. Making it very hard to do comedy there...you just don't get the numbers any more...)

Once you create your own Mars, you've got no limits in how weird you want to get with additional details and tangents.

Whatever approach you take, my advice is: Ground it in the real...and THEN let the imagination go... And if you're willing to go surreal once, you've given yourself more license to do it more often in your act...as the audience now knows that you could, at any time, go there...

pg--But honestly, I like how real your act is...so, trying to force the second joke to work in your act might both be more work than it's worth and ultimately a non-starter. Follow your muse, certainly...but just keep in the back of your mind that some ideas, even ideas that you love, might be better left on the page.--seattle

[mattmanser]

Hi Barbara!

I have nothing really to add except I seem to remember you doing the first joke a few times with some stuff added to it about kitten abortions. Maybe it was a separate joke that you you segued from the first joke. Anyway, I remember liking the kitten stuff too. Which isn't really any help to your question. Sorry!

[SlyBattery]

Are you performing this joke while doing the "Space Boners" show by any chance? If so I would assume another joke like: "Oh, in case you couldn't tell by the name of the show and my last joke, every punchline ends with things in space. Just like every NASA meeting."

Another thing is I feel like the first joke could be saved in case the audience response is less than great. You could say "I guess with the name of the show you guys were probably expecting more space jokes. So lets try this one again with a little spin to make you feel more at home. I've been trying to lose hoob..."

Just some ideas. Also, for what its worth, I think both jokes are very funny.

[Babs]

Thanks for the advice/accusations everybody. There is some good stuff to consider here. Whatever I do, I really love that second joke and I WILL figure out a way to make it work, god dammit.

I love you all.

[Vercetti]

Babs, let me add to the love and say that I love that first joke. It works because you don't see the abortion part coming. Nicely done there. One thing you could do to make the second part work is maybe simply say "...and here's the Martian version of that joke. Let's hit it!". ("let's hit it!" might be more the kind of thing I'd say so take that as you will)

But ya know, try it different ways and see what works. Good luck!

[Babs]

So I've been tweaking it, tried it tonight (at a show where my roommate was the only actual audience member. Oh comedy!) This time I simply said "this is what that joke would sound like if we lived on Mars" which I think works because it's simple and to the point and doesn't make it sound like I actually am saying I know people from Mars. So I said that and then in the second part of the joke I said ...I still feel gleeeeeebenglobglobglob(etc.)...about the space abortion. . It seemed to work because people were laughing at the end of the gibberish as though the joke was over... then the space abortion tag comes. Yes! I think this just may be the ticket. It remains to be seen.

[Vercetti]

Awesome, glad it worked. I also like having both jokes end with the same line. Maybe end it with "because Martians sometimes forget to pull out too.".

[Bucky_Sinister]

no matter how many Trader Joe's "Reduced Guilt" tortilla chips I eat...I still feel bad about the abortion.

I know this wasn't your question, but have you tried the first joke with just this? I don't think you need the first part at all.

[Babs]

I started out with just that pretty much but there just wasn't enough lead-up to the punchline so I added the bit about losing weight. It also kind of pulls people in one direction "oh great a girl talking about losing weight!" before I switch it up on them.