The Social Side of Stand-Up

[YankeeRocker]

Hey guys,

Very happy to have found a stand-up forum for people interested in performing it. I've been doing open mics for about 3 months now and I've surprisingly done exceptionally well at it. Haven't bombed yet and I've had some good sets so far. My biggest concern right now is integrating into the comedian community at the local clubs. I'm seeing a lot of the same people but the comic community seems to come off really cliquish here. I totally respect that I'm a greenhorn and I need to pay dues and put my time in. But I just want to make sure I don't miss an opportunity. I generally keep to myself and focus on what I'm going to do on stage but I feel like I'm at the point where I should start networking and trying to make friends with people with experience so I can learn and continue to improve.

Also are you not supposed to joke with other comedians? I told a few of them that the only reason I'm doing stand-up is because I can't afford heroin anymore... and I think a lot of them took me seriously.

Thanks for any advice you can give me.

[SeanX3]

Comedians can be really humorless.

Hello.

[Unholy PCP]

I feel like I'm at the point where I should start networking and trying to make friends with people with experience so I can learn and continue to improve.

You already know exactly what to do. Just hang out and drink with them

[Vercetti]

I know what it's like to feel like the new kid in school but I've found that half the fun is hanging with other comics. Basically just be friendly and supportive and people will dig you.

[Phil]

Also are you not supposed to joke with other comedians? I told a few of them that the only reason I'm doing stand-up is because I can't afford heroin anymore... and I think a lot of them took me seriously.

Hmmmm....

[brandom]

This has been my problem with comedy as well. I'm a bit of an introvert and tend to keep to my self at shows and as a result people who don't know what I'm about have dismissed me as someone who is cold or a jerk. Comedy can be quite cliquey in places, its just something that you have to put up with. There are comics who don't really have more than 15 minutes of material but they still get a lot of gigs cause they are in with the in crowd. I say just do your thing and work hard at being a better writer/performer and be supportive of others and I'm sure you will be fine. Or just start your own show or podcast and you will have some insincere comics wanting to be around you. #SomewhatJadedGuy

[mikemayberry]

Is there a comic that has material you can relate to? If so, go up to him/her and tell him/her that you really like their writing style/delivery/tits and ask them how long they have been doing stand up. Open micers are nice people usually, after all they are participating in an attention/affirmation-seeking hobby. We want your approval.

Personally, it took me a while to warm up to the comics that I know mostly because I didn't think they were that funny on stage. But once I got to know them, almost all of them were funny people, and I looked forward to talking with them again.

Unless you have a terminal disease, what's the rush? Sooner or later you will get to know some comics.

[YankeeRocker]

Thanks very much for the input and your experiences, it was quite helpful. I'm going to take a lot of things you guys said to heart at the clubs.

[pg13]

I've been doing open mics for about 3 months now and I've surprisingly done exceptionally well at it. Haven't bombed yet and I've had some good sets so far.

Well, you've got confidence going for you...I'll say that.

But, of course, that could be a combination of ignorance and arrogance, too--a common malady befalling many new comics.

If you've been doing open mics for 3 months, I doubt you can really tell when you've had a good set or a bad set. (It is a comedy truism that most comics who brag about "killing" probably haven't yet.)

Open mic audiences aren't very good barometers of comedy ability--it's like you're a boxer in the gym and the open mic audience is your sparring partner. You might think you're knocking him around--but you're meant to...you're using the sparring partner to improve your skills. Even if you knock out your sparring partner, what could it possibly mean? They've been put in the ring with you for you to hit.

You've been doing comedy for three months at open mics. At best, it's going ok.

(Even if you think differently, it's probably best to maintain "it's going ok" as your publicly displayed attitude. No one wants to draw attention to themselves as an "open mic wonder.")

My biggest concern right now is integrating into the comedian community at the local clubs. I'm seeing a lot of the same people but the comic community seems to come off really cliquish here. I totally respect that I'm a greenhorn and I need to pay dues and put my time in. But I just want to make sure I don't miss an opportunity. I generally keep to myself and focus on what I'm going to do on stage but I feel like I'm at the point where I should start networking and trying to make friends with people with experience so I can learn and continue to improve.

Oh, dear. The dreaded "New comic looking to make friends" issue.

This is also pretty common. People getting into comedy want validation, they want comradeship, they want to feel like they belong.

Comedy is the worst place to find these things. Comedy is, at its heart, a singular pursuit by people who usually can't make a go of things in other areas of their lives. EVERYONE is
needy...and EVERYONE is frustrated--that is the nature of comedy.

The only validation you might get is when something you wrote and performed gets a laugh--but even that is fleeting and inconsistent. The only comradeship you'll feel is when you've suffered and persevered... The only time you'll feel like you belong is when you've earned what you think you should be given.

The analogy I always give is one from "Platoon"--where the new reinforcements were given the cold shoulder by the troops who have been in the field for some time. The veterans don't bother to get to know the noobs because they're likely to be the first ones shot and killed--so, why bother to form any emotional attachments to them? It's not like they've been through the shit like the rest of your veteran buddies have... Lots of people play with the idea of stand-up comedy, and when everyone doesn't praise their initial efforts or actively reach out to include them in their reindeer games, they drop out...not to be missed.

In order to get the rest of the squad to respect you and start to treat you like one of them, you'll have to live through a few firefights and prove your worth over time.

And the more you ask for that respect and inclusion, the harder it is to earn.

And is the Seattle comedy scene cliquish? Sure.
Is Seattle much different than any other city with a comedy scene? Nope.

And I can speak from experience that the Seattle comedy scene is largely merit-based. When you're ready for new opportunities, you'll find people asking you if you want to be part of shows they're putting on. If they're not asking, you're probably not quite ready.

Keep your head on straight, keep working on your game...and don't be needy.

Also are you not supposed to joke with other comedians? I told a few of them that the only reason I'm doing stand-up is because I can't afford heroin anymore... and I think a lot of them took me seriously.

Well, your location indicates you're in Seattle...and the idea that someone in the performing arts may have issues with heroin isn't exactly far-fetched.

And your joke suffers from some serious false premise denial issues--the biggest being "how can beginning stand-up comedy help you afford heroin?" Seems to me robbery would make more immediate sense--I mean, you're basically committing yourself to a few years of cold turkey withdrawals before you see much of a return on your comedy investment...

Finally, and more seriously, you tried to impress other comedians by telling them a joke. If you're the newly drafted rookie coming to your first NBA practice, you shouldn't expect the veterans on the team to sit up and take notice when you shoot a free throw. Even if you make it, so what?

Don't be needy. Don't be eager to please. Don't be in a hurry to curry favor.

It's all standard high-school lunchroom shit.

Thanks for any advice you can give me.

You may have spoken too soon.

pg--I have become Death, the destroyer of worlds--ballard

[JuanCarlos]

That whole thing happens organically, keep going up and keep on getting funnier. Stick around long enough and people will start gravitating towards you if you're funny or at least hard-working and nice.

Bear in mind, a lot of comedians can be ridiculously insecure and get rankled at you for being self-assured, never take that as a reason to put yourself down. Just keep on working on your stuff.

[YankeeRocker]

Oh totally man, I've met a lot of comics and I've seen a lot of hacky assholes who think they're the second coming of comedy who are consumed with some artificial pecking order and want to complicate a microphone and a room. I was just wondering how the scene goes and if there were any unspoken rules or experiences that would help me be cool with the decent comics and cool people interested in this so I can continue to learn. But I've found more and more to just concentrate on what I'm doing and the legit comics will approach you rather than the other way.

The only reason I asked this is because I'm a baby in the woods and a lot of people have been talking to me. I feel like I've broken some unspoken rules because I have a tough time remembering people and I've asked a few comics "Are you a comic?" or "What's your name?" when they talk to me despite those people being around a lot which in retrospect could've come off kind of insulting. This has definitely been an adventure in psychology so far. It's kind of amazing how the majority of the comics I've encountered are doing this as a psychological crutch, to get famous, or some reason other than just the thrill of making people laugh.

Come to think of it though this thread did come a lot from insecurity and my desire to start talking to you good people here on AST since I've been lurking here for awhile and reading a lot of the old threads. There's a lot of great info and experiences here. But so little about the social and business side. I hope I'm not coming off like John Santana, I just haven't seen these things discussed.

I really appreciate your advice Mr. Carlos.

[$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$]

you dont get to 500 million laughs without making a few enemies

[jenkirkman]

Maybe the internet is ruining people's ability to socialize.

[funkyrhino]

Maybe the internet is ruining people's ability to socialize.

Jenn are you kidding. Do you know how many chicks from the internet pay to go out with me? At least 7! My social skills have blown up since 1995

[Unholy PCP]

remember YankeeRocker when I said 'just drink with them afterwards'? Well, that's helpful advice man. Cause alcohol makes you not care and loosens you up. I would guess that's what you need

[JManderville]

You could always buy friendship. A lot of comics are attracted to guys with money. Or you could bring a attractive girl along, it will make the other comics jealous. Have you tried "negging" them? or the "Mystery Method"? Maybe you could wear something flashy like a crazy hat or a shiny shirt. Peacock it up a little. Comics want to see that you're confident. And most importantly, always wait at least 5 days to call them after receiving their phone number. Don't want to seem too desperate. Hang in there bro.

[Couldn'tThinkOfaName]

Not viewing them as if they're lab rats you are studying might be another approach to take.

[funkyrhino]

You could always buy friendship. A lot of comics are attracted to guys with money. Or you could bring a attractive girl along, it will make the other comics jealous. Have you tried "negging" them? or the "Mystery Method"? Maybe you could wear something flashy like a crazy hat or a shiny shirt. Peacock it up a little. Comics want to see that you're confident. And most importantly, always wait at least 5 days to call them after receiving their phone number. Don't want to seem too desperate. Hang in there bro.

he's trying to befriend them not pick them up and get them to a seduction location.

[JManderville]

he's trying to befriend them not pick them up and get them to a seduction location.

Just to be clear.

[thisbetterwork]

You could always buy friendship. A lot of comics are attracted to guys with money. Or you could bring a attractive girl along, it will make the other comics jealous. Have you tried "negging" them? or the "Mystery Method"? Maybe you could wear something flashy like a crazy hat or a shiny shirt. Peacock it up a little. Comics want to see that you're confident. And most importantly, always wait at least 5 days to call them after receiving their phone number. Don't want to seem too desperate. Hang in there bro.

Actually I found 'bring an attractive girl along' actually kinda works.

It works on two levels - it makes you more approachable if you're with someone, anyway, rather than just brooding alone (I fall prey to this a lot) and also guys are prone to hit on an at all reasonably attractive lady and happen across talking with you in the process.

But yeah, other than that I'm not sure the Mystery Method is all that good an idea. But then again, if you know a magic trick, it never fails to give that a try...