Really good for your first time, iambobbmac. Way better than mine. You're a good writer, keep at it.
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Does anyone have any tips on memorizing? I've taken a list of keywords for each bit on a napkin with my drink, so that every time I take a sip i can take a quick peak at it. After watching my last video, I noticed that I took a drink after every bit and turned away from the audience way to much. I've tried memorizing my list, but I fail every time... and revert to the list. Tips, suggestions?
I was actually gonna say "the butt", but that's less for the sake of the joke and more just me preferring the butt to the face in any situation.Originally Posted by SlyBattery
thanks brett. for listening and for the kind words.
i think remembering my queues was the most difficult part for me also.
those moments of silence between jokes weren't for lisa "left eye" lopes, but were actually me looking at my notes & trying to find my place. i was thinking of trying to associate each joke with a symbol i could write on my hand.
yep, thats all ive come up with. its my most original idea to date.
This joke fragment just popped into my head while I was taking a piss. It feels like it must have been done, though... by Carlin. I'm always scared of the shit I think up when I'm pissing was already done by Carlin.
It's weird how evolution went at a very slow clip and then all of a sudden we had this big jump in consciousness that got us here in a relatively short period of time. That's bound to happen again, right? I hope it happens to dogs next. You come home and your dog is just sitting there, staring at you with a different look in its eye. Then it's like, "Yeah.... yeah, I get it. You thought you were real cute, huh? Hey, look at the fucking dog... hey eat this bullshit I hate having to buy you. You will feed me better immediately or I am telling everyone about that one thing."
The word "annunciate" has an incredible potential for irony... and that's why people say it like a bunch of assholes.
You know, that could be funny... acknowledge the silence by telling the crowd that those moments are for fallen celebrities...
i was thinking the same thing actually. especially after my TLC joke. then maybe after the next joke do a "shorter" moment of silence for gary coleman?
GARY COLEMAN DIED????
I tried this method called Loci at the last open mic I went to . . . I think I might need more practice, but it's neat in theory. I read about it in an article you can find here.
The better I know my set, the more comfortable I feel deviating from it, so I'm always looking for ways to improve memorization.
YO-YO MA IS SO FAT THAT SHE LOOKS LIKE A DUDE PLAYING THE CELLO.
A guy walks into a bar...
So abar, the largest man in egypt, killed him with his bare hands and then told the entire village that the guy died like a lazy dog in hell. Several years later, abar died... but his legend lives on in the hearts of many. I farted.
A grandmother named Blache parker from springfield MO, has for the past thirty years, has hard boiled eggs and painted ducks on them. She then hands them out to local children. Ripley's believe it or not!
poopsex
That is a really fucking good joke.
I've been trying to write an act, but open mics aren't even an option where I live right now. This bit is more or less an opener for a linked stream of conciousness set, but I guess it's what I'd call my A-material right now. I told it at a party once to try it out loud, and it sorta worked. (All this is true, by the by.)
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"So, I first realized that my mom smoked pot when I went to my first concert.
Yeah, I know. See, I was about fifteen and sort of a... what do you call it?... total loser? I never hung out with anyone who smoked doobs or did anything similarly rebellious, and was vaguely distainful of the whole concept, mostly because I had been told to be so by authority figures.
So I end up going to this concert with a friend who had similar view of drug use and a couple other people that she knew, because the person who they were going to take bailed out on them. Remember, still not cool.
So it's an outdoor concert and we're sitting on the grassy knoll and some of the other patrons a few people down light up and the sweet resiny breeze wafts overs and my friend goes, "Oh, man, somebody's smoking a joint..."
Now this is where my brain simultaniously begins working on two levels. Out of my mouth, I say, "Aw, man, really?" and let it drop.
In my mind, I say: NOW MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD MAKES SENSE!
Because it's funny... When you're a kid, nothing ever really adds up to you. You just accept everything as it keeps piling up, because everything in the whole entire world is so fucking weird and nobody explains anything to you.
So in that moment, everything suddenly clicked into context. Oh, that's why cigarette smoke smelled different in her bedroom. That's why she thought cartoons were funnier after going upstairs for five minutes!"
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So... I don't know if that's enough of a bow on the bit, because it's supposed to segue into another bit, either more about my stoner biker mother and how much more badass she is than I, as a shy, perpetually nerdy and overly bookish comedy dork, ever could be... Or something about how I was already an atheist at that point and got the whole order of it backwards (you're supposed to lose all faith in authority and THEN renounce God, am I right, folks?). So... Is it strong enough as a story? Do the beats of it work, or is there too much fat on the meat?
(My standup style will probably be more of the "painfully true but with a lot of smirky sarcasm" variety, insofar as a trend is emerging.)
"I live in a well. That's not what a clown does."
I kinda tried doing that once. I did a joke about Three's Company and then said "Let's have a moment of silence for John Ritter. No? Well fuck you then...".
I do this joke a lot.
"When I go out, I like to only drink drinks with names that make them sound dangerous. Like kamikazes, car bombs, black russians..."
It never really gets laughs. I think a lot of people dont realize black russians are a real drink. Or the joke just isnt funny. What do ya'll think?
It's only a setup. Where's the punchline?
Hey, check me out. I'm a ghost.
You should throw in something that's not dangerous at all, like a wet pussy...
(Here's the recipe...)
1 oz Chambord® raspberry liqueur
2 oz Irish cream
6 oz milk
Last edited by Just Brett; June 21, 2010 at 8:04 PM.
How about ending with a Shirley Temple? Hey, she became an ambassador, she could declare war on you or something.
i figure if i could survive names like those, moving onto smack will be like a slap on the wrist.
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