i've spent the past few weeks working on some comedic screenplay exercises, trying to develop plot characters dialogue and wouldn't mind some constructive criticism if anyone is interested. i realize the visuals are severely lacking --- but if someone wants to give feedback on why/why not they think certain lines of dialogue do/don't work -- or anything else that might come to mind -- i'll be appreciative. (i'm not interested in feedback regarding lack of camera direction or the fact the style obviously isn't industry format -- i'll worry about those details last)

here's the beginning of two different threads (they don't nec begin at scene 1) (it's blog format so the scenes appear in reverse chronology):

http://ahappinessexperiment.wordpres...8/mr-vacation/

http://ahappinessexperiment.wordpres...-and-juliette/