Roommate thread

[Berliner]

I'm gonna have to get a roommate soon. Do you have any tips or horror stories you want to share? Besides craigslist or the paper, do you know anywhere I can post ads? Also, on the off chance you know someone who needs a place in Gaithersburg, MD, please PM me. Amenities include:

A 2 story 2 bedroom apartment, with bedrooms on the second floor
All utilities but electricity covered. Stove, heating, and hot water are natural gas
Cable TV and wireless high speed internet (802.11n)
Dishwasher
Hardwood floors
Um, some other stuff
A creepy roommate

[KevinLee]

Mary Van Note's "The Roommate Situation"
Pats 1, 2 & 3:

[youtube]XNUjTHYoUMI[/youtube]

[youtube]s8GEM4aUU5Y&feature=related[/youtube]

[youtube]bX0EWE1o6HQ[/youtube]

[Shane]

i had a roommate once. it went well.

[mary]

Mary Van Note's "The Roommate Situation"
Pats 1, 2 & 3:

Totally appropriate posting job KevinLee.

[JPSpaulding]

Totally appropriate posting job KevinLee.

I'm so sorry for you Mary. Your story makes my roomates friend walking into my room at 4 am and taking a piss on my floor while my GF and i were rying to sleep seem like a playfull afternoon at the zoo in comparison

I wish i was rich as well...

[mary]

OMG that's hilarious TenJay! That's actually worse in my opinion. At lease she didn't poo and vomit in my own BEDROOM.

[ArchStanton]

I can't believe the ammount of shit that Nancy produced. It's like she had 3 bums.

[Harry Bongers]

OMG that's hilarious TenJay! That's actually worse in my opinion. At lease she didn't poo and vomit in my own BEDROOM.

I need some closure on the Nancy fecalrama story. What happened?

Oh, and if this thread turns into roomate horror stories I've got some doozies.

[Berliner]

Go ahead

[Hated Milk Machine]

berliner is a great person to live with if you enjoy people farting on your pillows while you're at work

[TimBuktu]

I lived with two guys that were both hairy. I got so sick of pubic hair all over the bathroom, I yelled at them about it one day.

I came home later that day to find that my roommate had shaved off a huge clump of his pubes and put them on the toilet seat. I laughed like an idiot.

---
I let a guy stay at my house, on the couch for a couple of weeks. I didn't like him at all. I came home one night and he was drunk on sake, listening to farts on a sound effects cd at full volume. He was also 300 plus pounds. I wake up in the morning and he's on the couch in tighty whities with a sleep mask on his face.

---

I had a couple of roommates, and I got a gigantic bottle of Jagermister as a Christmas present. We chugged it, along with some forties. We woke up the next morning and our coffee table was smashed and Andy Capp Hot fries were stomped into the carpet. I think we had a wrestling match, but no one remembered.

---

I had a dumb roommate. A really dumb roommate. My mom sent me a birthday cake. I had a piece of it and went to school for the day. I came back and there was one piece left. I asked him if he ate it, and he said... "No... you did"... that was his excuse.

[Harry Bongers]

I posted this before but if this is the bad roomates thread it's appropriate.

One weekend our roomate tells us that his mom and her boyfriend will be visiting us and staying the weekend. No problem. They show up Friday evening, wasted. They both had Tim Horton's Road Mugs full of rye. The boyfriend, Dale, is wearing tight black jeans, a white t-shirt, a leather vest and a pair of those 3/4 boots with the heel and a zipper up the side. Dale sits down and starts talking to my other roomate and I. He's telling us how he's into art and offers to draw a portrait of me in his unique medium. He gets some paper and sticks his fingers into the ash tray and draws my face in cigarette ashes. Then he somehow he ended up telling us this story:

"I was at a bar awhile back and I look up and I see this woman I used to go with, and her daughter. She's all grown up now. So the mother goes to the bathroom and I walk over to the girl and I tap her on the shoulder and I go 'Hey, I used to wipe your ass. HA! She don't know what to make of me.' The mom comes back and we get to talking and next thing I know we're back at her place. We start getting it on and she's giving me a blowjob so I reach over for the bottle of rye on the nightstand and pour some on my crotch to make it interesting for her. So she's going and I light a smoke and drop the fucking match right on my crotch. Whole fucking thing ignites. Her hair is singed and I'm beating at my crotch with a pillow. I got third degree burns on my pecker and her eye brows are burnt."

So, like most people I'm sure, Pete and I immediately call bullshit. Dale stands up and goes "Oh yeah, tell that to my cock" and proceeds to whip out his third degree burned weiner.

Later that night Dale and my roomates mom got kicked out of a bar when she fell off a bar stool while flashing her tits. Then they came back to our place and got into a screaming match over the last beer.

The same guy also used to bring home people after his bartending shift was over and drink until 5 o'clock in the morning. Once as they were leaving two guys started play-fighting outside my bedroom and ended up tumbling through the door and on to my bed where I was trying to sleep. This ended up with a half-asleep fist fight with two drunks in my tiny bedroom.

He also fancied himself an artist and put up his original works which were all poorly rendered male nudes. He had a problem drawing to scale so instead of tasteful nudes it just looked like we were into Middle Earth elf porn.

He also told us that a friend of his was going to stay with us for a few days. A few days turned into a month. This guy would literally sleep on the couch until 4 o'clock in the afternoon. We lived in a big loft, so there was no private space at all. Me and my other roomate would be cooking, talking, listening to music, watching tv and he would just lay there on the couch -- the only couch -- with a blanket pulled over his head.

In University I lived with a pathological liar. He said his dad was the head of the Irish mafia and had fronted him 100 grand to start selling coke on campus, he was a business partner in a restaurant, he was dating Jennie Garth, etc...

Another roomate was a girl who gradually became involved with both crusty punks and pitbull rescues. So there were often pitbulls and homeless punks in my apartment. Waking up to the sound of and Crass and viscious barking is no way to start your day.

Another roomate od'd on GBH and the ambulance came and they cut his shirt off to do the rescuscitation work. It was my shirt he had borrowed.

I don't miss roomates one bit.

[mary]

those are some crazy stories, harry. I'll post the finale of the Nancy Fecalrama story soon... it's in the works.

[terror firma]

i found my roommate right here on AST! hi jouster!

[KevinLee]

I laughed like an idiot to all your stories, Chad.

[Jouster]

i found my roommate right here on AST! hi jouster!

Oh, hey man.

[Meen Bellpeppers]

Harry's stories make it sound like Canada is all alcoholism, fist fights, and burned dicks.

[man124]

Harry's stories make it sound like Canada is all alcoholism, fist fights, and burned dicks.

I think canada may have a new slogan.

[Berliner]

Harry, from what I understand, was the original basis of the Trailer Park Boys.

[megalope]

Harry, from what I understand, was the original basis of the Trailer Park Boys.

Ahahahaha! Best compliment EVAR!