Overheard in Passing

[smartbunny]

Waiting 5 minutes for Chinese food listening to One Teen Girl talk to Other Teen Girl. I counted 17 "you knows" and "10 "likes" - and the Other Teen Girl looked like she wanted to die.

[Brian J.]

I was at a store. This old white guy was talking to the young black guy at the checkout counter about the election.

Old white guy: "I would gladly give an inch off my dick to not have Obama as President."

Young black guy just smiled nervously and stayed quiet.

A tall Jewish woman waiting in line said "You don't have an inch to spare."

[pollymaepry]

I'm a massage therapist and it's not like niggas are vegetarians..."

Choice part of diet conversation on train delay right now.

[SlyBattery]

I wish there was a way to relate the cadence this was said with, because it really made it 10 times better but:

Lady with dog: "This is my dog, you can't just do that to my dog."

Boyfriend (maybe?): "I'm talkin' 'bout my ASSHOLE!"

edit: try reading the boyfriends line as if said by Oprah but at half speed. Best I can relate it.

[Brian J.]

"Last night she told she she was the best pussy I ever had. Can you believe that shit? I'm gonna get her. I'm gonna get her good. She's gonna lose her sugar daddy. As soon as I get a room, I'm gonna ditch her."
-Homeless man at the library

Bonus from same guy:
"We should go to New york. We can make two thousand a week. I was making a thousand a week after hurricane wilma. And all I was doin' was wavin' a fuckin' flag."

[rotation]

At the grocery store checkout counter

Cashier (very flamboyantly) "Ooh - You're eating healthy"
Guy in front of me "Yeah, my girlfriend makes me - I'd just be eating popcor-"
Cashier (interrupting) "GIRLFRIEND?!?!?!"
Guy (muttering under his breath) "yeah like you had a chance with me anyways..."

[Keith Whitener]

My friend, who is super catholic, was telling me that he believes in miracles. I told him I'd love to experience a miracle. He told me I could if I asked God, "lord, please show me you're there in any way." And right at that moment, as we walk through a crowded street, we hear someone angrily yell "no!" into their cellphone.

[Harry B]

"That's a MILF I'd like to fuck"

[Bryan_]

"I'm black so I find everything funny."

- A black girl after a white guy jokingly called her a bitch and then instantly apologized saying he was just kidding.

[nathansmart]

"That's a MILF I'd like to fuck"

Bongers is back BABY!

[Harry B]

I got new headphones and didn't overhear anything for awhile.

[davidd]

Sort of overheard-not really, but close enough:

I was standing at a bus stop earlier today and a black girl was standing next to me. She starts rifling trough her purse and a book falls out, landing at my feet.

The title of the book is "How to be Black." I pick it up and hand it to her and we seem to share a glance that says "this never happened."


I just looked it up and I guess it's a satirical book about how it's hard to live up to stereotypes. But I love the idea that there would be a book that all african-americans kept secret from whites that kept all the secrets about how to be black.

[smartbunny]

My 10-year old niece, re: DisneyWorld. "And Winnie the Pooh HATED me. I mean, I don't know what I did to piss HIM off..."

[pissedpissedofferson]

Little kid being pushed around by his dad in a shopping cart at Stater Bros: "Hey dad, when we were here a real long-long time ago... Last October, we..."

[davidd]

An actual facebook status from a person I kind of know. She is a straight white woman who is constantly letting people know how PC she is.

"The new Starbucks commercial I saw had an adorable ginger dyke in it! Way to go, Starbucks!"

What in the flying fuck are you talking about?!

[AceToast]

Walking through a hotel lobby.

Guy 1: “I use the same amount of meat – and I make NINE burgers. And they’re BIG!”
Guy 2: Totally sincerely with no sarcasm: “That’s FANTASTIC!”

[Pimpbot]

Overheard at CVS, older guy on his flip phone - "Yeah, I'm at CVS now. Yeah, I'm picking my Cialis. She is coming over later. Well, I don't know but I better be ready. You know it, brother."

[Pimpbot]

In the hallway outside my apartment. I hear a guy knocking loudly on the door for the apartment across from mine. Then he says, "The money dries up and so does your pussy." Spoiler alert: She did not open the door.

[Batman The Horse]

Over lunch I hear the two Super Professors at the table next to me (I know they are college professors because they are talking loudly about being college professors):

"Yeah, I'm think about proposing a class along the lines of my Graphic Novel class but with, like, technology. One girl last year made her project with HTML and it really sort of, like, hypercontextualized everything!"

[rotation]

A couple of gentledudes having a lunch at a thai restaurant a couple tables down:

Are you going to see the Cirque du Soleil while it's in town"
"I want to, have you been? I haven't before"
"Me neither. I heard it isn't as good as the other ones though."
"Oh. Well then maybe we shouldn't go."

WHAT?! There's this guy down by the river walking on the water. Yeah but I heard it isn't as cool or fancy as when Jesus did it.