NOT being funny, ironic or anything but 100% serious:
"Yes.. but Mao mass-murdered millions of his own people"
"..Sure.. but he had to do that and you need to look at the good things he did!"
"Like mass-murdering sparrows?"
"Youuuuuu had better NOT say this thing to me now!!"
"I found that very rest assuring."
"What?"
"I was just rest assured to hear him say that."
Two guys after seeing The Woman In Black.
"Oh my god that was so good!"
"Totally putting it up on my facebook."
I was in the car today on the way to walgreen's with a girl and "living on a prayer" came on the radio and we both started singing the shit out of it, right... and as we were walking towards the door, she commented on how well I sang that nonsense -- and as we walked in the door I said, "I should have been Bon Jovi..." and then a teenaged girl walking the opposite way out of walgreen's looked at me like I was a fucking dickhead.
I think the teenage girl was supposed to post this.Originally Posted by suavepebble
Go fuck yourself in passing
Two dimwit girls behind me in line to see Chris Hardwick CC Special taping last night.
"What is this we're seeing?"
"Stand up comedy."
"Oooh, then I'm excited!"
later...
"I hope he doesn't pick on us."
"Why would he pick on us?"
"You know, how comedy people always like, pick on the audience."
"Why would he single us out?" (Heh - Singled Out)
"I dunno... they do that."
NO HE DOESN'T! AND WHY ARE YOU HERE? AND THIS IS A TV TAPING! AND YOU WON'T EVEN BE NEAR THE STAGE! AND STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR OUTFIT, NO ONE CARES! YES IT'S COLD. WE'RE ALL COLD!
pant... pant... pant...
"My church group is a real safe place where we can talk about anything. We call it 'Las Vegas,' because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."
Man and his 3 or 4 year old kid, walking back toward their house;
"Can I see the axe?"
"You can see it, not use it"
Hey, check me out. I'm a ghost.
"You each lick a side!"
Your guess is as good as mine.
TV innit
I didn't actually hear anything, but I wasn't sure where else to post this. I went for a jog down my usual running path and there was a man and woman having their picture taken by a photographer by the river. That's when I realized the woman was pregnant, had her shirt off, and the man was standing behind her and covering her breasts with his hands... I felt a little awkward, but probably not as awkward as the father and his two small sons who walked by after me.
wedding photos?
this lady (we'll call her Ruth) starts a conversation with me at the bus stop and through this conversation I realize there's a kind of rec centre or daycare kind of deal for mentally handicapped adults near there and there's two other people who also attend this daycare along with her waiting for the bus with me. Ruth is telling me all the fun things they're going to be doing for their christmas party but they have to be on their best behaviour and not act stupid because there's like a presentation or something about all the stuff they do during the year for guests to observe... kind of confusing. ANYWAYS,
the other two: a lady sitting down, fidgetting a little bit and keeps glancing nervously over at the man who is staring at his watch and keeps pacing, checking the schedule against his watch and watching for the bus. she looks at me and says, "he's making me nervous... i don't want him on the same bus as me...
he's acting like a retard."
"You don't know that, man... she could have been fertilized AFTER that."
I ended up getting directly involved in this one.
I was walking down the street and a heavy, tattooed woman with a baby carriage screamed "Skew me!" directly at me from across the street. "Yes?" I stopped. She then crossed the street and said "Let me hold yo' cell phone baby."
I gave her the phone and she made a call. This is what I heard, I will spell it out phonetically.
"Where you at? I been waitin' her for over an hour. [pause] I'm over her, cross da skreet from da po'lice staychin. I got my baby in da skroller. [pause] If you ain't her in fiteen minutes I'ma get on da bus an' go home."
She hung up, thanked me for the phone and asked for some money. I didn't have any.
A couple of blocks away my phone rang. It was a number I didn't recognize.
Me: Hello?
Angry Man: Who dis?
Me: Oh, you must be calling for the woman; she borrowed my cell phone. I don't know where sh--
Angry Man [cutting me off]: I ain't ask about all'at. I asked Who dis?
Me: [hung up in fear]
The phone rang again. I didn't pick it up.
On my way home from the bar last night:
"So what, just because he proposed she's engaged to him now? Jesus."
"Yeah, that's how it happens."
This one is technically second hand, but it's too good to not post.
Two dudes on bikes.
Dude One: "I think some girls are just repressed."
Dude Two: "Maybe they just don't like it."
Dude One: "Dude, it's a dick in your mouth, what's not to like?"
Woman on train: Hey you, you know if this is the right train to Oakland?
Man: I'm not sure. There's a map right over there.
Woman: (angrily) I can't read no motherfuckin' map!!
Hey, check me out. I'm a ghost.
When you're right you're right.
I used to go to Adams Morgan a lot a few years ago, but I stopped since the bar there that had an original Nintendo system had said Nintendo break. Half kidding. And they sure do say some entertaining things there.
edit: my pointless post got page broke and is now on exhibit as pointless!
Last edited by slothborn; March 23, 2012 at 7:27 PM. Reason: no... page break!
Page breaks are n big deal though, people can just click on the next page.
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