Overheard in Passing

[SlyBattery]

Some customer at work was talking to me about general inane nonsense and then all of a sudden started talking about how Chinese Buddhists are a secret society plotting to destroy America. I pointed to a book with the Dalai Lama on it and said "I don't know, he looks like a pretty decent guy" then excused myself back to the registers.

Since this is a new page I will state that this wasn't Overheard in Passing as it was just someone abruptly saying something racist to me. I was reminded of it because of StrangeLights story on page 46. Go ahead and look back there for it if you want. I'm not going to quote it here.

[smartbunny]

Racist against Buddhists, that's a new one. I would have fired back with some baseless attack on Amish, those buttonless fuckers.

Strangelight; it's even WORSE to be an Atheist than a Jew!

[SlyBattery]

Well his issue was with Buddhism in general, but he made special emphasis on the Chinese. The Dalai Lama just happened to be gracing the cover of a nearby book.

[P-Dub]

well, she told me she read the torah and wanted to talk to me about my beliefs.

Wow, what a ballsy cunt.

[simpgeek]

Those are the kind if cunts I try to shy away from.

[suavepebble]

As opposed to clittish cunts? I just created the concept of "Clittish cunts", despite my overall narrative here being unfunny in general. What I'm saying is that I deserve respect and royalties regarding anyone that figures out a way to use the term "Clittish Cunts" in a funny way.

Or is it clitty cocks? It's clitty cocks, isn't it? The fact remains....

[rabbitandox]

Didn't China kick out all the Buddhists?

[simpgeek]

Yes, the former are the ones I strongly prefer.

[Adult Ed]

well, she told me she read the torah and wanted to talk to me about my beliefs. i told her i couldn't do that, because i've never read the torah. even though my family is jewish, i'm actually an atheist.

and then the blood drained from her face and left the room.

Because she realized how much deeper the conspiracy was.

[smartbunny]

This isn't Overheard but a convo I just had with the UPS guy that I don't understand. They leave a slip and I sign it (it doesn't say to sign it but it doesn't say not to either, it just says they will be back) and they never leave the package. Today I was home sick and I answered the door.

UPS: "Yeah I can't leave them (packages) here like that (pointing to signed slip on my door). I dunno who was here before but they had it like this. See, I need I.D. and stuff." (shows me UPS computer thing that says whatever it says)

ME: "Oh, should I get my I.D.?"

UPS: "No, no! Girlfriend, I don't do that stuff. I been in this neighborhood 33 years. You can ask anyone, ask them across the street about Harris."

ME: "Well, I don't know." (as in, *I* don't know about this stuff, said with proper inflection) I sign the thing.

UPS: "Yeah the person here before did that but I can't do that. I been here 33 years. Have a good night!"

ME: ???

[KeithTalent]

"Roxy will be here soon."

"Roxy. Is that a drug or a person?"

[stevenac]

In my local Ralphs:

Guy: Should we get a case of water?
Girl: Sure
Guy bends to pick it up.
Girl: I got it.
Girl picks up the water with great strain and difficulty.
Guy: I love to see a girl in pain.
Girl: What?
Guy: That came out wrong.

[stevenac]

It wasn't good enough to be posted twice

[P-Dub]

I just gave a transsexual prostitute very polite, clear directions to a horrible motel.

[davidd]

In my local Ralphs:

Guy: Should we get a case of water?
Girl: Sure
Guy bends to pick it up.
Girl: I got it.
Girl picks up the water with great strain and difficulty.
Guy: I love to see a girl in pain.
Girl: What?
Guy: That came out wrong.

That last line made me spit water.

[smartbunny]

I love to see a guy spit water.

That came out right.

[Shauno]

Girl: I can't believe Tintin's dog's name is Snowy. That's so weird.
Guy: Why's that?
Girl: I always thought it was Toto, you know like "Tintin and Toto."

[StrangeLight]

so i live in a working class neighbourhood that's relatively safe (i did see cops break up a bunch of teenagers in an all-out broken bottle to the face-style brawl once), but i'm about 50 yards south of one of the neighbourhoods with the highest violent crime rates in the city. i was at the convenience store that bridges these two neighbourhoods, and there i saw a scary looking dude with a headlight (?) yelling into a bluetooth:

"where do you live? where? why? because i'm going to come down there and split your head open. do you live in homewood? DO YOU STILL LIVE IN HOMEWOOD? because i'm going to break your head open. don't talk like that to me."

at this point, he shuffles off to grab some kind of donut/cake thing.

"DO YOU LIVE IN MCKEESPORT? did you move to mckeesport? i'm gonna come down there and bust your head open. fuck you. no, go fuck yourself. i'm coming to mckeesport and i'm gonna fuck you up. okay, later man."

[suavepebble]

This one just happened to me about half an hour ago... at least five people overheard this exchange of mine, so I'm counting it.

I'm at Fred Meyers, a grocery store thing, and as the girl is ringing up my food she asks me how my Christmas was. I said, "You want the honest answer? Worst one ever." So she "awws" and tells me how hers was bad, too, until her grandparents bought themselves a sixty-inch plasma and gave her their old fifty-eight inch plasma. She then commented on how unnecessary that upgrade was and I just blurted out (with complete sincerity and not one iota of flirtation or grossness) "Well, two inches can make all the difference, right?"

She then looks at me like I'm a psycho and bags the rest of my food as fast as she can. I didn't even know what was going on until I got out to my car and realized she thought I was talking about penises at the grocery store.

[scamboogah]

You fuck that shit?