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About LinkBacksHis exiting of the elevator should have obviously been accompanied by the 'Sanford and Son' theme song.
His exiting of the elevator should have obviously been accompanied by the 'Sanford and Son' theme song.
Young punks behind me in line at the grocery store.
"Who's Jenny?"
"Jenny. With the big titties, she has a baby?"
Jennys grow up so fast. *sniff*
You sure they didn't mention Jenny's obsession with the Sex Pistols or the Clash?
Hey, check me out. I'm a ghost.
girl #1: (excitedly) "She's seeing a BANKER??"
girl #2: "No, a BIKER."
girl #1: (totally dejected) "Oooh..."
I need to set this up a bit: My neighbor in the apartment next door is this woman in her 40's who likes to get very drunk every night... and it's not a bother because she becomes this loud, happy person that loves everything and everyone.
Just now I had two Mormon missionaries in their early twenties come to my door and after hearing their deal I politely told them that I thought the golden tablets were a tough sell and I didn't believe in that stuff. They thanked me for listening and went next door.
Five minutes later I heard my neighbor loudly yell, without sarcasm: "WOW!!!!"
At the grocery store just now...
"Peas and carrots, ya ditzy bitch!!"
Hey, check me out. I'm a ghost.
"Socks with sandals are retarded, and I'm German!" -- overheard last night at a Walgreen's in Nashville
"That nigga look like Morrissey"
"The wisdom and the the spiritual beauty within Roy Jr ... it's just effin sick!"
On my street today, in the midst of SEVEN fucking cop cars at the neighbors house:
"They takin her to jail cuz she fuckin' retarded"
"The wisdom and the the spiritual beauty within Roy Jr ... it's just effin sick!"
Some lady is showing a street vendor the photo she just took of him:
Lady: "What do you think?"
Vendor: "It's my face, I can't change it."
annoying kid: "I took his hands (meaning a baby) and he smiled at me!"
old lady: "They can't see you anyway."
kid: "What? Can't see me?"
old lady: "They can't see yet."
kid: "You mean babies are BLIND? What do you MEAN?"
old lady: "They can't really see... Your mom can explain it better to you."
Later:
cashier: "Punch my code in for the discount, this is my uncle."
manager: "Only close family gets discount. Mother, father, sister, brother."
uncle: "An uncle is as close as a father sometimes!"
manager: "Not for Rite Aid discount sir."
uncle: "That's OK, Rite Aid don't run MY life so WHATEVER!"
That's what I get for leaving the house for 15 minutes.
Last edited by smartbunny; November 25, 2011 at 2:42 PM. Reason: forgot uncle
at my friends' parents' place for thanksgiving. my friend's aunt in the kitchen:
"jews and muslims are the enemy."
It was so nice of you to invite Mrs. Hitler to Thanksgiving!
it was really awesome when my friend told her right after that that i'm jewish.
was it?
yeah, actually. i got a lot of laughs out of it.
Please describe in detail!
well, she told me she read the torah and wanted to talk to me about my beliefs. i told her i couldn't do that, because i've never read the torah. even though my family is jewish, i'm actually an atheist.
and then the blood drained from her face and left the room.
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