Overheard in Passing

[mcpiranhas]

"Check out this Harry Potter the 3rd lookin' faggot over here! Nice glasses dude, where's your magic wand?"

This reminds me of something that happened to my friend, not so much overheard as directly shouted at. He was walking down a street and came across a congregation of older, thuggish types who had dragged a small kitchen table onto the sidewalk in order to drink their alcohol more comfortably. They started ragging on his hipster profile amongst themselves - his tight pants, Buddy Holly glasses, etc. and after he passed, one yelled out "Hey, hey! Where you goin'? Goin' to see the Pixies?" and they all had a good laugh at his expense.

He described it as one of those moments where you can't even get angry or retaliate, because they just fucking nailed him. We had all seen one of the reunion shows probably not a month earlier.

[WhoWantsPie]

Accuracy: the street corner harassment trump card.

[Ian Brill]

For the record, I recognized it right away too. I think it's the height and roominess of the elevator.

I think that's it, and the two or three buttons there. I was in Target the 25th, I'm sorry I missed that guy (and Isos)!

[mcpiranhas]

Breaking news. A brand new employee just came into my office and had this conversation with another co-worker who is also my mother:

Him (suddenly appearing in the doorway): Hey, what do you call it when there's like a different name for someone that's not their real name?
Her: A pseudonym?
Him: Yeah, I've got a new pseudonym you can call me. Sweet Pete! 'Cause there's sugar in my pee!
(pause)
Him: Doctor says I've got sugar in my urine. I thought that was pretty odd.
(pause)
Him: It turns out I have diabetes.

[SlyBattery]

This reminds me of something that happened to my friend, not so much overheard as directly shouted at. He was walking down a street and came across a congregation of older, thuggish types who had dragged a small kitchen table onto the sidewalk in order to drink their alcohol more comfortably. They started ragging on his hipster profile amongst themselves - his tight pants, Buddy Holly glasses, etc. and after he passed, one yelled out "Hey, hey! Where you goin'? Goin' to see the Pixies?" and they all had a good laugh at his expense.

He described it as one of those moments where you can't even get angry or retaliate, because they just fucking nailed him. We had all seen one of the reunion shows probably not a month earlier.

I was always under the impression that anyone who knew the pixies were fans of the pixies. Those guys must have spotted him at the show and decided this would be a fun gag to play.

[Harry B]

Two yuppie moms walking out of the park pushing SUV strollers with 2 or 3 year olds inside.

Scarf wearing mom: I'm sorry but that Zachary kid is a real shithead.

[Harry B]

"Ha! Your dog walks funny."

A homeless looking guy in a wheelchair commenting on my dog's slight limp.

[Brian J.]

A white guy (wearing a wife beater) who looked like 1980's Larry Bird (complete with mustache) is walking when he sees an old friend. Both men appear to have seen the rougher side of life. The two men begin catching up.

Crackhead: "You know who i haven't seen in a while? Alvin. What's he been up to?"

Larry Bird: "I'm done with Alvin, he's f@#$%&' crazy! He came to my place one night, banging on the door. Yellin' and screamin' and askin' for money. I told him i couldn't help him... and then he stabbed me with a crack pipe!"

Cracky: "And then what'd you do?"

Larry Bird: "I couldn't do nothin' i was holding my baby."


He had another crazy story. Check my next post.

[Brian J.]

Continuation:

Then Larry told a story about getting arrested in Mexico. He was thrown into a cell with several Mexicans along with some chickens and pigs.

The "federales", as he called them, wouldn't give him a phone call. They told him he would have to fight for his freedom.

He thought it was a joke, so he talked to the guy he was set to fight against and agreed to let the guy win in exchange for help if he was released. He threw the fight and the Mexican guy was released.

When he realized the "federales" were serious he begged for another chance at freedom. They agreed and set up another fight. He emerged victorious.

When he got out the Mexican he let win was waiting for him and told him how grateful he was. He brought him to his home. There, he presented a woman and told him he could do whatever he wanted with her. He put on a terrible stereotypical mexican accent "I hope this shows how grateful i am to you, she will take care of you... she is my sister."

Larry said "Oh no man i can't take your sister. That's way too much. Why don't you just make her cook me some food. You know comida. [he acts it out as he tells the story, miming scooping food with a spoon into his mouth] Make her cook me a taco or a burrito."

Mexican: "Are you sure you don't just want to screw her?"

Larry: "I'm sure. I'm very hungry. Thanks anyway."

[nathansmart]

fag

[mcpiranhas]

You should have given that guy a book deal on the spot. There must be so much more to tell.

[rabbitandox]

Lady on phone:

"What the fuck were you expecting, Sherlock?"

"..."

"Ugly? Or Gorgeous?"

"..."

"If one room is yellow, what's the other room? Eww!"

"..."

"Well how did the decorator do on the rest of the house, Sherlock?"

"..."

"Oh my god, you told me that, Sherlock."

Unclear if she was talking to someone named Sherlock.

[smartbunny]

"Hold on, it's call waiting. Hey, Einstein!"

[Harry B]

Outside my office two businessy guys walking to lunch:

"So then I'm like 'why the fuck did you steal my daughter's chicklets?!'

Streetcar, two guys in their 20's:

"Come on, I don't have time to go to the doctor's every time I get dizzy"

[scamboogah]

"Yeah, I'm at Richmond High School. There's some girl back by the dumpsters that's hecka drunk and naked"

- 911 call to report a gang rape in Richmond, CA

(ooh, that took an unfunny turn)

[nathansmart]

I think Harry Bongers must have bionic hearing

[JPSpaulding]

A customer at a bar orders a plethra of chicken wings then this

Bartender: "Would you like Blue cheese with that?"

Customer: "How much is Blue Cheese"

Bartender: "40 cents"

Customer: "Yeah, ill have some blue cheese"

Way to live hipster nerd

[scamboogah]

What kind of asshole joint charges extra for blue cheese with wings?

[DaneCook]

A conversation I overhead yesterday:

Girl 1: Did you see Mad Men last night?

Girl 2: What's Mad Men?

Girl 1: Are you kidding? It's like a show about the fifties.

Girl 2: Do you mean Happy Days?

Girl 1: Oh my god, it's Dane Cook!

[chapina]

On the floor I work on, most employees in cubicles decide to have private conversations by the elevators/time clock/restrooms.

Dude pacing frantically on his cell phone huffing and puffing like he couldn't wait to interrupt the person on the other line, finally he gets his chance: "But, see, what you don't understand is that I'm NOT a macaroni and cheese guy" more huffing and puffing...