"I don't fuck with Gotye."
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"I don't fuck with Gotye."
At a comedy show, two days ago, a hipster to (I'm guessing) girlfriend: "I'm like Jesus. 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.'" I shot a look over my shoulder at the guy and the girlfriend locked eyes with me, making a face like, "Yeah, I'm dating a real douchebox."
Old Jews at IHOP: "You know who has the best fries? The Kaiser Permanente Hospital cafeteria!"
They do!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by P-Dub
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"The tire store had a pool out back with a gator in it."
my roommate's girlfriend looks in the fridge and finds a few pizza slices from last night:
"why are you wasting money on delivery?"
"bitch, that ain't delivery! it's delissio!"
I'd dump him! no way he's getting a handy or a blowie from me using that sort of language!
Kids playing next door:
"I wonder why bees die in water."
"Guys die in water, too."
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On the subway platform:
"Why would you have the baby if you're gonna shake the baby to death? Just don't have no baby!"
In NYC — "I don't think Becky *gets* it."
Becky never fucking gets it.
"I want to buy a hat to wear to my dad's funeral. I want it to be steampunk, but not over the top"
Because no one cared when folks of color were being rained on; but since there are white people now they get to be dry. Cuz they be all smellin' like wet dog and shit.
Woman sitting next to me at jury duty: Of course he's guilty. He's on trial, isn't he?
Guy talking to (I assume) his kid at the mall:
"We're going to go to lunch. Then we are going to dinner."
Two elderly Australian women on a shuttle bus from LAX to downtown LA:
"He had a helper for some time. He was a black.*"
"Oh."
"He's dead now, though. Drank himself to death."
"Died happy, I suppose."
"Yes."
Later they noticed I wasn't wearing a seatbelt and one of them gestured toward me and said "I value safety unlike this one over here." I live dangerously, lady.
*I don't know if she meant he was "a black" as in race or if his last name was Black.
The walls were very thin at my old apartment. One time the neighbors woke me with their loud arguing. Rather, one of them woke me because only one of them was loud enough to hear.
"WHY YOU GOTTA TALK TO ME LIKE THAT?"
In a sleep-drunk haze, I responded before I could think -
"Because you're a stupid cracker?"
"WHAT?.... AND YOU GOTTA FIX THE TRUCK BECAUSE I'M GODDAMN THIRSTY AND WE DON'T HAVE ANY SODA AND I'M GODDAMN PREGNANT."
"...Then we are going to die."Quote:
Originally Posted by SlyBattery