Man 1: I was just in the bathroom and someone drew a giant dick on the wall. Why do guys love to do that?
Man 2: I don't know, it's stupid.
Man 2: Although I do like drawing penises on the whiteboard at the dorms.
"When was the last time you felted a piece of fruit? I thought so."
Full-on Italian goombah dude BBQing on front stoop. On cell phone.
"I didn't know if dey wanted all-new material or WHAT! I never done TWO auditions twenty minutes apart!"
then, on my way home:
"I shoulda known when she said she was born June 6, 1966! I mean, when, at 6:06? On 6th Ave? On da 6th floor? Gimme a break!"
the scene: in a hipster coffee shop on saturday night
the actors: two elderly couples in their 60s or 70s sitting together and one elderly mentally ill lady sitting near them, but not with them
old-man-in-couple 1: "so are you a big coffee drinker?"
old-woman-in-couple 2: "no, i don't drink much coffee."
old-man-in-couple 1: "oh, well, i started drinking coffee when i was down in texas. being down there is what really made me drink coffee."
mentally ill old woman [at the top of her lungs]: "OHHHHHHH HOW FASCINATING!!!"
i love you, crazy old lady.
Me to girlfriend while at Applebees: This place sees schlubby.
Guy in booth next to us: That waitress has big boobs.
Califax, California @ a gas station. The sign out front says "a drinking town with a railroad problem".
Cashier: Get your sister to call me.
Customer: What you wanna talk to that broad for?
Customer: She's lost her kids, she's drunk by 8 am, and she's with a fifty year old man that beats her.
Cashier: Where's Jason.
Customer: Prison....I stay out of trouble, though; I'm a good boy.
That is the saddest thing.
I didn't do the overhearing but this was relayed to me:
(B/t 5 year old daughter and father walking hand in hand down the street)
5 year old daughter: "Wow! That's the first time I've ever seen a man ALL the way on top of a BUILDING! (pause) ...Is that your first time?"
Dad: "No but... It's still very exciting."
"I really wanna have sex with him but I DON'T want him to know where I live. It's a real fuckin' conundrum, Tammy."
The lady in front of me at a screening of "Puss in Boots", seconds after Humpy Dumpty appeared onscreen for the first time:
"(Uprorious laughter) ĦEs un huevo!"
Either a mother or older sister walking down the street with a 5 or 6 year old girl. As the pass me I overhear this exchange:
Little Girl: (excitedly) uhmm, I would pay, I would pay....uhm, like 6 thousand dollars!
Older Woman: (matter of factly) Well then, you fuckin' crazy.
19ish year old man on his cell phone, walking past the front of my house:
"NAH! YOU DON'T FUCK THEM... NAH! YOU DON'T FUCK THEM... Y'ALL LISTENING TO ME? Y'ALL DON'T FUCK THEM, RIGHT? SERVE THEY GODDAMN LUNCH."
Little girl, outside entrance of public restrooms:
Little girl: "Where's the woman?!"
Little brother: "A woman is a GIANT girl!"
"I think I might be schizophrenic."
"What, like The Hulk?"
Riding subway, at my stop from a fellow subway passenger:
"I'm done with this train shit."