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"Anytime my wife and daughter want to buy a chick flick, I get to buy three martial arts movies, to keep it balanced. I have over 300 martial arts movies. I made a martial arts music video on youtube, want to see it? Do you like martial arts?"
"I'm more into comedy."
"Oh, you know who makes some hilarious martial arts movies? Jackie Chang. Have you seen Rush Hour 1, 2, and 3? Jackie Chang is the best."
I always thought that if I was a good drawer it would be interesting to create a series of 2-3 panel cartoons out of the greatest hits of overheard in passing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fentmore
In the waiting room at the vet's. A guy is in there with a Springer Spaniel and the vet comes out. As they are walking into the examination room:
Vet: Well hello Tucker, you look happier than last time. So, how have the bowel movements been?
Guy: Spectacular!
This is an odd one. Overheard in e-mailing maybe? I think I've mentioned before that for some reason I recieve a lot of legitimate e-mails to my gmail account intended for other James Marshalls. I've got some guy in Edmonton who forwards me all the right-wing propoganda urban myth e-mails, some woman keeps mailing me and several other members of the congregation the Baptist Minister's itinerary, some guy who worked at the national archives in Richmond harassed me to get some Pepsi world cup contest offer redeemed. Just got this one. Some guy named James Marshall just got fired in England as explained in this attachment.
Dear James <o></o>
<o></o>
Re: Termination of Employment
Further to our meeting on Friday 8<sup>th</sup> October 2010, when unfortunately I had to terminate your employment. There have been various issues that have proven a problem to overcome however, the most important being that you firstly damaged the company car that you had the use of within 2 weeks of driving and failed to report this matter to anybody in the office. You have generally kept the inside of this vehicle and its boot with total disrespect and failed to keep it clean notwithstanding having been requested to do so on several occasions.
<o></o>
<o></o>When getting your car cleaned on Friday morning it was evident that you had damaged the car in four areas: the rear wheel arch, the front right hand bumper, a dent to the top of the boot and a hole puncture to the rear bumper. In accordance with your contract you are responsible to pay £350 for any part of damage and I will arrange to take the car and get an estimate. However, if this is put through the insurance company this will be four separate claims so I am suggesting we firstly establish the money involved. <o></o>
Whilst on the subject of your car I paid for a parking fine at the end of September which you agreed to pay me back with your September salary this you failed to do or to recognise and I will make the necessary deductions from any money that we may owe you. At the same time I have asked the office to speak to City of Westminster and Transport for London in order to establish if there are any further tickets or fines outstanding.
<o></o>The main reason for your dismissal was due to your continuous texting to friends and I wished for this to stop it lead me to believe that through your lack of performance and most importantly viewings that another distraction had taken place. I requested for our IT department to look at the history of your computer where I found you were in total breach in highly disrespectful fashion in terms of your contract and it was even more frustrating when I would return from being out of the office to be told by you that you had been phoning applicants / clients I could then see from comprehensive data dated and timed that this was not the case and a few of the website I name below:
<o></o>JDate
<o></o>Facebook
Plenty of fish
Recruitment websites
<o></o>Entertainment websites
<o></o>
Please advise me what commissions are outstanding so that I will be able to calculate your final payment if any at all from this company.
<o></o>I am regretful for the manner in which your employment ended however, on reflection when trust breaks down you are sometimes left with no alternative.
<o></o>Yours sincerely
<o></o>Grant Fox <o></o>
FOX GREGORY <o></o><o></o><o></o><o></o><o></o>
:pQuote:
Originally Posted by Harry Bongers
That's really weird. Those weren't there before and I just copied and pasted from an e-mail attachment.:evil:
I was sitting in a comfy chair in the furniture department of one of those mall department stores and this is what I heard from an employee (to another):
Employee 1: What's up?
Employee 2: Same shit
E1: huh?
E2: Same shit, different day
E1: oh
E2: last night, my buddy and I went to this bar called C-Town
E1: Oh yeah? for what?
E2: Somebody's birthday party. Dude. I picked up this cougar and my buddy picked up her mom. She was like 60. The cougar was 38, 40. So, we go back to her place. I do my thing and I walk around the house looking at pictures. I ask her, 'who's this?' She says it's her husband. I say, 'Who?' She says her husband. He's away on a business trip. So, now I'm an adulterer.
C-Town is a grocery store.
That's where you pick up cougars and their moms.
C-Town is a theme restaurant/bar based around ABC's hit show "Cougar Town".
At Barnes and Noble, while everyone around is quietly reading.
A big, vaguely mobbed up guy in sweatpants with a Long Island accent, yelling into his cellphone:
"THE KID'S GOT NO FUCKING MANNERS!"
At a party. Some guy behind me:
Guy: That is a bad day. Almost as bad as the day I shit my pants and my girlfriend broke up with me.
Walking down the street in a family friendly area of Toronto and a very average looking Dad type is in front of me on his cell phone and I hear:
Dad Guy: I will cut the head off that fucking Roman dictator. I will pay for victory in the blood of my enemies! I am badass! I do not fuck around, especially with Canadians!
Very weird.
Walking to the Staples Center from the Metrolink last night. Father with his kid about five years old. We see a bus stop and people get on.
Kid: "Some people take the bus? Yuck."
Two really loud frat guys at a Korean restaurant would not stop having a really loud conversation. A conversation that was momentarily halted when one of them got up from the table and said (loudly) to the other:
"I have to go excrete some excrement."
I don't normally get grossed out by that kinda shit, but I nearly puked up my yakisoba. That's just fucking gross, guy.
I can't help but read this in the voice of Fred Armisen as the native American comedian on Weekend Update.Quote:
Originally Posted by MrDys
Now explain what yakisoba is.
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=yakisobaQuote:
Originally Posted by smartbunny
I mean, like Fred Armisen's Indian Comic character would.
(smartass swede)
Did you miss the part where I said it was a Korean restaurant?