Dick Moves

[Keith Whitener]

As my mother was just leaving the house for work, she tells me, "Get this: not only will there not be a Christmas party at a restaurant this year like there usually is, but yesterday we got an email that said, 'Bring your own food.'"

[drieux]

In about eight years of being in the "professional" world, I've gone from huge catered meals in a rented banquet hall for Christmas to a "Pot Luck" in the office break room in a steady decline of office-mandated holiday cheer, with a variety of excuses from management varying from "budget constraints" to "difficulty configuring schedules."

Last year when the idea was floated around and people were asked if they wanted to participate and what they would bring to a pot luck, I said I'd bring happy thoughts from my couch, where I'd be sitting baked, watching Christmas Specials and ordering a pizza far away from work.

Which was, of course, a dick move in and of itself.

[scamboogah]

Jay Leno moving his show to 10pm.

[Berliner]

You can all live vicariously through me

First Course:

Chestnut and Wild Mushroom Bisque
with cornbread croutons and sage
(AKA Chestnut Zoup)

Second Course

Filet Mignon
with Broccolini, Gorgonzola and Yukon Gold croquettes, and bordelaise

or

Jumbo Lump Crabcake
with baby turnips, smoked bacon, baby carrots, frisee, and champagne sauce

(I'm thinking of getting this)

or

Smoked Provolone and Ricotta Ravioli
with rapini, preserved lemon, pine nuts, and mushroom jus

Third Course

Chocolate Buttermilk Layer Cake
with mint chocolate chip ice cream

PS: Is posting your company menu when others are talking about getting nothing considered a dick move?

[Jawa]

PS: Is posting your company menu when others are talking about getting nothing considered a dick move?

Yes, unless the menu is for what I had. Tepid, blanched green beans, anyone?

[matt in the east]

New management came into the Papa John's where I was working as a teenager, and they put a ban on the employees taking home messed up orders. We had a big rack of unmade pizzas for orders that were either changed or cancelled, and at the end of the day we'd have to throw all of them away. We had previously been able to throw them in the oven and take them home -- at no expense to Papa John's.

Also, here's one that I pull a lot: I only beep at women on the road, cause they can't kick my ass.

[scamboogah]

Not that Papa John's employees aren't the most trustworthy people on the planet, but I can sort of see why management would want to prevent employees from calling in bogus orders just so they didn't have to pay for their own dinner.

I think the dick move is that they don't offer them up to some charity or something.

(Pompously said as I dump a gallon of leftover chili in the trash...)

[Adult Ed]

New management came into the Papa John's where I was working as a teenager, and they put a ban on the employees taking home messed up orders. We had a big rack of unmade pizzas for orders that were either changed or cancelled, and at the end of the day we'd have to throw all of them away. We had previously been able to throw them in the oven and take them home -- at no expense to Papa John's.

Sounds like someone had a problem with oven jockeys intentionally fucking up the pies for a free dinner.

[TimBuktu]

I love yelling "Get a Car!" to random strangers out for a stroll.

[TomHicks]

Just yesterday, the day of the company's office party, we were told that we would no longer be getting Dec. 26 off as a paid holiday. My family is here in L.A., so it's no big deal, but a lot of co-workers are traveling home and factored in the holiday day-off, some don't have a vacation day to use.

This came down from the owner, but all of the in-office management people are already saying just take the day off and will fix it down the line somehow.

[Harry B]

In the theme of company dick moves...we were scheduled to go on a department vacation to the Bahamas since we met the sales target. A meeting was called and we were told that the trip was cancelled because it "just didn't feel like the right time given the economic realities and to avoid perceived inequities by other departments."

The tickets were all bought and paid for so they auctioned them off company wide and gave the money to charity. The dick part is some people had scheduled their vacation time and used their own money to extend their stay in the Bahamas and they've basically been told "sucks for you."

Here's a real dick move. A guy I went to high school with lived with his grandma. She had a dog that was very old and had to be euthanised so she gave Paul money to take him to the vet.

Instead he killed the dog in the woods and used the money to buy acid. Doesn't get dickier than that. He also used to hide potatoes in her bed for some reason.

[MikeHilinski]

I move out of my parents house and a week later my room gets redecorated to look like it belongs in a grandma museum.

[Harry B]

I move out of my parents house and a week later my room gets redecorated to look like it belongs in a grandma museum.

Maybe your parents thought you were pulling a dick move by hanging around so long. Because you were there you know they had to keep it down when they were getting it on. That gets frustrating.

[bicks]

I have a feeling this thread might sneak into "Best Threads of 2008" just under the gun.

For the last few months of my Junior year of college I did a lot of drinking, and that led to many a dick move. One that comes to mind is when I got extremely drunk at an academic banquet and proceeded to throw dinner rolls at a professor sitting at my table. Later in the night a friend of mine was giving a speech to everyone in the room (probably about 200 people) when I came up behind him and put him in a sleeper hold. Not a real one, a "jokey sleeper hold," but still, certainly a dick move. I'm sure I thought everyone would find it charming at the time.

I should clarify that I am not, in fact, a dick. However, if your only context of knowing me was that ill-fated dinner, I could hardly blame you for disagreeing.

[matt in the east]

I move out of my parents house and a week later my room gets redecorated to look like it belongs in a grandma museum.

Same-zies!

My old bedroom now has blood red sheets and a wood carving of a panther.

[TomHicks]

Same-zies!

My old bedroom now has blood red sheets and a wood carving of a panther.

We're going to need you to put that panther carving and some potatoes in your grandmother's bed, please.

[man124]

Same-zies!

My old bedroom now has blood red sheets and a wood carving of a panther.

Apparently your grandma is way cooler then mine is.

[bao]

A few thoughts here ...

I used to work in a Pizza Hut, and we threw out about 15-20 pizzas a night. No harm, no foul. So I would be very skeptical about your manager's "cost cutting" measures.

Also, my mom took over my bedroom within a week of my leaving for college. And she loves me, I think. No red panthers, however, just a lot of clothes. Either way, I don't classify this as a dick move.

When I was broke in grad school my best friend got married. My mom sent me a $100 check to buy him a present. I cashed it and headed straight to the bar. That is a dick move.

[Keith Whitener]

I lived with my dad for a little bit while going to college for a term. He kept telling me I was eating too much of his food, that food is expensive, and that I should stop eating so much. He currently leases a BMW for $400 a month. $20 more a week to feed me, unacceptable! $400 per month for a car, bring it on!

[Harry B]

I was a pretty big dick when I was younger.

In high school I spent every single dollar my mom ever gave to me for class pictures on beer.

In highschool I crossed the border into Watertown New York drunk in my car with some friends on a whim. We wandered around looking for a party or something then couldn't remember where my car was so I had to call my mom to come and get us. She came and we drove around for hours looking for it. When we found it there were a bunch of real estate signs and lawn ornaments in the back seat, it was parked on an angle and the front was dented with the licence plate hanging off.

In grade school my bus used to go under a stone bridge and almost every day I would take my lunch and throw it out the window at the bridge. My teacher's noticed I didn't ever have lunch so they called a meeting with my 'negligent' mother.

In grade four I stole a bunch of my mom's pills and vitamins and tried to sell them to the other kids at school telling them they were drugs. Again my 'negligent' mom was called in for a meeting.

In highschool my friend and I invited two girls over to his place while his parents were in Jamaica but were also expecting two other girls to come over later that night. When the first two stayed later than we expected we staged a fist fight, including throwing me through a closet door, so they would leave.

There's more.