I saw a guy today with the word "mom" tattooed onto his forehead. He was going for a bike ride with a woman who may or may not have been his mother. What am I talking about. Of course it was his mother. Would any woman other than his mother be seen with him after this? In fact, I now suspect that there's something wrong with the mother for going out with her son at all.
What's the craziest shit you ever done seen?
I saw a guy getting the absolute shit kicked out of him one night near Georgetown University. He was drunk and lying on a street corner and this guy was yelling at him and repeatedly kicking him.
Craziest shit I ever done been a part of was getting arrested for gambling in a huge poker raid. ALE, Sheriff, State Patrol, all kinds of mofos came in and arrested about 80 people, confiscating $72,000+ and gaming tables. Quite surreal.
Greg Brainos | http://www.myspace.com/gregbrainos
I keep forgetting to tell Arch this story.
One time me an my friend were in downtown Chicago near the Union Station, when a lunatic in a suit started screaming shit. He had a bag with him and when he approached the Chicago River he reach into the bag and started throwing cell phones into the river. After the couple he dumped the bag out, walked past us, and called my friend a cocksucker.
I was still in high school so cell phones were still a luxury than a necessity, I believe.
I was at a McDonald's in Chicago and a homeless man came in and started asking everyone, one by one, for change. Everyone politely said no and he'd move on to the next table. No one wanted to deal with it, heads were kept down... Until he approached a man with two stumps for arms, who promptly stood up and started screaming and flailing his stumps around... "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE".
I finished my #1 and left.
Ha ha, you ate #1...
Jesus Christ, y'all should move to Oakland. That stuff all happens on any trip lasting more than 2 minutes on AC Transit.
I've been farted on by the homeless, had my life threatened for my 'White man's thoughts', and once sat behind a man who just rocked back and forth mumbling, "Can't save the family" and then finally said, 'Uh-oh' and shit his pants.
Saw a guy have a heartattack once in NYC. Very simple and very scary.
I was trapped on a subway during the 96 Olympics due to a bomb threat. Atlanta summer heat + packed subway = people passing out and lots of panicking.
I saw a squirrel fall (jump?) out of a tree in Washington Square park, bounce off a guy's head who was walking under the tree, then land in front of the guy, stunned. Then bolted. The guy looked at me and said, "DID you SEE that??"
One hungover morning while at the Burger King at Fisherman's Wharf here in San Francisco, while standing in line to order another guy came up to the counter, slammed his glass on the counter and pointed at the lady taking orders and shouted, "THIS IS FOR YOU!! CLEAN IT UP!!!!"
The cup was full of pee.
Turns out, he tried to use the bathroom and when he was told he needed to show his receipt to get into the locked restroom, that small bit of protocol was enough to send him into a rage that inspired him to fill his own cup with piss while sitting at his booth and thusly take it back to the minimum-wage employees to show them how much they had wronged him.
And then did they kick Meen out?Originally Posted by drieux
Ass Afucked 3: Summer 2011.
boom!
Two days ago I saw something that made me lose, renew and lose my faith in humanity.
A woman and her kid are running down subway stairs to get on the train. They were running like crazy. The kid runs down and is grabbing the door to hold it open. Mom is five stair steps away from the platform and trips. She just flies into the air. Looks like slow motion in my mind. But it all happens so quickly nobody can do anything but gasp.
Between her and me is a kid in a stroller who is peering over the edge at the shenanigans. And I can't exactly see if she's okay when she slams face first into the subway platform, so I think, "Hey, this kid is staring at some hurt person with blood all over the place..."
But she eventually gets up, brushes herself off and is fine. No blood. No nothing.
As she brushes off the kid in the stroller sticks his chubby arms in the air and simply goes "Hooooo-ray!"
And then whoever is taking care of the kid pushes his arms down and says "Shhhh, be quiet..."
There's also a story about me (when I was a teen) going out to get the Sunday Daily News for my dad on Saturday night and being greeted by a bloody faced transvestite at the newsstand and the guys behind the counter asking him to please not bleed on the newspapers or else he had to buy them. But that's the whole story. The end.
Last edited by Jack; July 28, 2008 at 2:56 PM.
I was once in this shitty metal band. It was 1989 and I was taking vocal lessons from the local "Heavy Metal Vocal Coach"! He was one of those guys with a super high range, and he was a pretty decent teacher. His big thing was breath control, and watching how you stand when you go for the "high notes". The reason for this, he explained, is because when you are pushing that hard from your diaphragm it is very easy to, involuntarily, relax muscles elsewhere on your Body. In other words: Be careful or you WILL shit your pants!
One weekend my teacher took me to see one of his students in this douchebag Glam Band.
Apparently, this guy had a five octave range and was my teacher's prized pupil. The band was playing in this shitty Chinese restaraunt and they came out on stage in full spandex. They even had a fog machine and lights!! The band started into their song when trouble started. My teacher leaned over to me and said "This is the song where he hits this wicked high note. Watch this!" .
Only moments later does he lean over to me: "Uh oh. Something's not right. He's not standing straight enough." then he pokes my shoulder and says "this could be really bad." .
It was just then that the band hit this crescendo and "Dynamic Male Vocalist" goes for this shrieking high note. For a moment things looked alright: the band was tight, the note was high.
Then the singer did something weird: he rocked back on his haunches and started to walk off the stage like a sand-crab. He looked VERY uncomfortable! The band just kinda...wound down, and stopped playing.
Then the drummer threw up. All of the sudden the club was filled with the smell of a dirty
baby diaper.
My teacher told me to hang out while he went backstage to check on things and came out
minutes later laughing his ass off. Apparently, the guy filled his spandex pants to the point
where it was just coming out everywhere and all over the stage. He didn't bring a change of clothes either.
Spider Clown!
you took the title of this thread literally
Impressive, I like.
About two years ago I was out for a late night stroll with my wife through the Parade Grounds just South of Prospect Park in Brooklyn. It was pretty empty except for a guy on a park bench. As we got closer we saw that the guy was not alone. There was a woman on her knees giving him head.
And a six year old sitting next to him on the bench.
Stay Free!
Adult Education: A Useless Lecture Series
The people in my neighborhood
Stand-up clips
A new children's consignment store in Brooklyn For the kids. In my house. Not a joke.
A few years ago I lived with two other guys one of whom was a guy I kind of knew from high school, and he seemed normal enough. One weekend he tells us that his mom and her boyfriend will be visiting us and staying the weekend. No problem. They show up Friday evening, wasted. They both had Tim Horton's Road Mugs full of rye. The boyfriend, Dale, is wearing tight black jeans, a white t-shirt, a leather vest and a pair of those 3/4 boots with the heel and a zipper up the side. Dale sits down and starts talking to my other roomate and I. He's telling us how he's into art and offers to draw a portrait of me in his unique medium. He gets some paper and sticks his fingers into the ash tray and draws my face in cigarette ashes. Then he somehow he ended up telling us this story:
"I was at a bar awhile back and I look up and I see this woman I used to go with, and her daughter. She's all grown up now. So the mother goes to the bathroom and I walk over to the girl and I tap her on the shoulder and I go 'Hey, I used to wipe your ass. HA! She don't know what to make of me.' The mom comes back and we get to talking and next thing I know we're back at her place. We start getting it on and she's giving me a blowjob so I reach over for the bottle of rye on the nightstand and pour some on my crotch to make it interesting for her. So she's going and I light a smoke and drop the fucking match right on my crotch. Whole fucking thing ignites. Her hair is singed and I'm beating at my crotch with a pillow. I got third degree burns on my pecker and her eye brows are burnt."
So, like most people I'm sure, Pete and I immediately call bullshit. Dale stands up and goes "Oh yeah, tell that to my cock" and proceeds to whip out his third degree burned weiner.
Later that night Dale and my roomates mom got kicked out of a bar when she fell off a bar stool while flashing her tits. Then they came back to our place and got into a screaming match over the last beer.
I think fire cock wins
That is the most white trash story ever.
It's definitely up there. This is one is close though. I
In highschool we knew this guy named Casey who lived with his mom, Rose. Everyone in town knew Rose because she could often be found stumbling down the street, or sitting outside the beer store waiting for it to open. Rose surprisingly had no problem with Caset bringing people over for parties.
So a bunch of us would go there to drink before school dances or bush parties or whatever. One night there's about 15 or so of us there sitting around drinking. Rose comes downstairs with her girlfriend (oh yeah, she was a bull dyke BTW.) Her girlfriend's nickname is Guh, short for Marg. They met in jail and Guh just recently got out. So Rose and Guh start slow dancing to the oldies station and stumbling around in front of a bunch of horrified 16 year olds. Then Rose decides she wants a beer so she asks my friend Michelle for one, but Michelle doesn't have any. Rose goes bananas.
She starts throwing chairs into the wall, smashing lamps and screaming. So we all scatter and run upstairs when we hear someone yell "She's got a gun!"
We run outside and are hiding behind bushes and parked cars when Rose comes out on the front lawn with a broom and starts beating Casey with it.
I left at this point and went to a bush party. Rose ended up going back to jail because she stabbed Casey in the head because she thought he took five dollars from her purse. The last time I saw him he was on a float in the Gay Pride Parade.
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