Assholes at the Movies

[P-Dub]

"A miracle is raising a child that doesn't talk in a fucking movie theater."
-Bill Hicks

This is coming up enough in movie discussions to warrant its own thread.

Fancy theaters, exorbitant ticket prices, shitty crowds.

The web spun by movies is delicate. Whether by cellphone or screaming baby, it can be destroyed faster than a futile "shhh."

Which reminds me. I saw Chasing Amy, late show, opening night. During the movie, two dudes behind me were trying to hit on the two obvious lesbians next to them. I asked them to be quiet, and they waited for me in the parking lot, along with the lamest display of belligerance I have ever seen (actual quote: "Lookit you, fuckin' ignorin' us!").

So, you see, i'm so passionate about this that I'm willing to almost sort of not really actually fight for it.

Here are a couple more recent examples:

-The Dark Knight. A girl in front of me took a camera phone picture, of herself, with flash.

-Spiderman 3. Every time Sandman appeared, a guy behind me said "Saaandmaaan..."

Post your experiences here.

[scottbox]

I was seeing 40 Year-Old Virgin in Santa Barbara. A guy's cell phone rings. He picks it up and carries on a conversation at normal volume. Someone shushes him and he yells "fuck you, I paid ten bucks, I do what I want!" The usher comes and the guy tries to start a fight with him. They had to drag him out.

[Meen Bellpeppers]

When I went to see Spiderman 3, I kept saying "Saaaaandmaaaan" whenever the Sandman appeared on screen.

This complete a-hole looked back at me like I was the jerk.

[suavepebble]

At Spiderman 3 I saw two geeks yelling "sandman" and "shh" at each other while I was trying to crinkle my wrappers while I ate.


I have a million of these experiences, but the one I feel like talking about was on the positive side of things.

I was twelve when I went to see Total Recall. I loved it from the first frame, it was fucking great, fucking great. During the entire movie everyone was silent and cool, no complaints. Then, at the very end of the movie, when Arnold and his lover are shot out onto the surface of mars and their faces begin to pop open, two people behind me burst into laughter. I immediately started cracking up. Soon the entire audience is laughing hysterically, louder and louder as the weird special effects of that scene get more and more ridiculous. At the peak of this, the guy that started it all yelled something like:

"You see that motherfucker?"

and the audienced laughed at that, too.

[Itslikeimsayin]

My newest pet peeve is when people act like it's okay to open your cell phone in the theater as long as you aren't on the phone. A guy across the aisle from me nearly ruined my enjoyment of There Will Be Blood by continually opening his phone to read texts or to see what time it was or whatever the fuck he was doing. Every time he opened his phone it was like a small flashlight went on, and it completely took me out of the movie. Happened at least five times. I wanted to kill him.

[Jouster]

I have a million of these experiences, but the one I feel like talking about was on the positive side of things.

I was twelve when I went to see Total Recall. I loved it from the first frame, it was fucking great, fucking great. During the entire movie everyone was silent and cool, no complaints. Then, at the very end of the movie, when Arnold and his lover are shot out onto the surface of mars and their faces begin to pop open, two people behind me burst into laughter. I immediately started cracking up. Soon the entire audience is laughing hysterically, louder and louder as the weird special effects of that scene get more and more ridiculous. At the peak of this, the guy that started it all yelled something like:

"You see that motherfucker?"

and the audienced laughed at that, too.

That's hilarious. 5 out of 5.

[nathansmart]

Someone loudly farted in a movie I saw and immediately the actor on screen said, "What's that smell? It's awful!" and everyone laughed.

[crlygrl]

The man sitting next to me at The Dark Knight fell asleep and started snoring before the opening credits. That would have been ok and not that assholish, but he woke up in the first half hour, sat up, grumbled at the screen, and went back to sleep.

Why not just leave?

[nathansmart]

hahahah

[KevinLee]

Crappy movies at Cimea Classic :sheds tear:

[Berliner]

During Iron Man, when Gwenyth Paltrow was running away from Iron Monger in the laboratory, a guy right next to me yelled "run bitch!" Which made me try to keep from loling.

[Hated Milk Machine]

People who crinkle wrappers slooowwwllllyyy trying to be sneaky. They need to suffer.

[smartbunny]

I may have told this story before, but when I was seeing Pet Semetary, Fred Gywnne was explaining how most of the animals in the graves died by being run over on the highway between the two houses. There was a grave for a goldfish and this guy right next to me yelled, "How a damn FISH get in the ROAD??" And I shook with laughter for about 15 mins.

[Alex King]

I may have told this story before, but when I was seeing Pet Semetary, Fred Gywnne was explaining how most of the animals in the graves died by being run over on the highway between the two houses. There was a grave for a goldfish and this guy right next to me yelled, "How a damn FISH get in the ROAD??" And I shook with laughter for about 15 mins.

That is the greatest story ever.

[P. J. Head]

Sometimes it's fun when the audience is rowdy. When I saw Arachnophobia, it was my first time in a Southern California movie theater, on opening night, so I wasn't ready for how jacked-up the crowd was going to be. But a theater full of people screaming real loud and actually yelling stuff like "don't go in there" actually made a fun movie funner.

I wish every movie theater could be the Arclight, where I have actually seen unruly audience members get escorted out by THE POLICE. They don't fuck around. And the ushers announce to the audience right at the beginning that cell phone calls AND texts are forbidden. Love it.

[sparkiepop]

I saw Dreamgirls with Aenematron and Meen (HAY GURLS!) last year and some dink a couple of rows up was wearing his bluetooth. I kept getting distracted by the pulsating blue light to the point where I grew obsessed and couldn't watch the movie at all. Had to go tattle and get an usher to make him turn it off.

[aenemaTron]

Argh! The harsh light of day shines on my anonymity!

I saw The Dark Knight on a family trip and my Uncle Chris did not hold back with loud verbal appreciation for certain moments like when the Bat-pod turned around. At the end he shouted out how great he thought it was and applauded.

[Liezl]

I went to a pre-screening for Zodiac. Well I guess free screening translates into family outing for some, so I saw a couple families with their kids. Even after their 6 year old is shrilly screaming during every murder scene, particularly the man getting stabbed in the chest on the beach, they didn't bother to leave.

In another incident, I went to see Avenue Q with a friend of mine when she got a text or something on her blackberry. So she took out her phone, in the middle of the show, and started nonchalantly scrolling through her fucking messages. Yah my friend is an asshole.

[nathansmart]

I grabbed my brother-in-law's phone and hung it up when he answered it during Eastern Promises. There's no excuse for that. At LEAST text, if you HAVE to. As Stephen Merchant says, "Unless that's Mr. Yakamoto calling for an important business meeting..."

[matt in the east]

Saw Reno 911! the Movie with only one other guy in the theatre.

The guy farted several times throughout the whole movie, and never showed any signs of remorse or embarrassment. It's as if he was trying to garner a response from me.