Who has a bit about not liking it when people start talking about their dreams, because you're prefacing a long story with, "Hey, want to hear something that never happened?"
…something about Prius drivers driving their Priuses off a cliff, directly into a landfill.
Three days after I posted that, Kulap Vilaysack was a guest on "You Made it Weird," and she and Pete were talking about dreams. He brought the joke up and said it's a Jim Gaffigan bit. Can't find a clip for that, either, but it definitely fits with the tone of some other stuff he does.
Definitely Greg Behrendt (not sure if Gaffigan has a similar bit or not). You can hear it on his CD Uncool, on the track "Stories Are a Gift," and probably other places.
In a bit about credit card debt: "'Everywhere you want to be,' that's not a slogan, that's a threat."
And another: "A four year old is like a tiny Don Rickles: 'You're fat, you're old, I'm outta here'."
Don't think it was a joke - just some casual probably-in-a-podcast conversation about wanting to write the movie Black Jaws. "The shark is black."
I'm trying to remember a bit that involved the comic saying something like "If you're a kid and you think you're gay, you better be DAMN SURE before you tell anyone." I have no other information except that I probably saw it on Comedy Central around 1999-2001 or so. I keep remembering it as Denis Leary but I'm pretty sure it wasn't.
Thanks in advance.