Whose Joke is This?

[Itslikeimsayin]

(I thought there was a thread like this already, but I can't find it.)

This is the thread for when you can't remember who told a joke and you've asked your useless friends and Googled it and it's driving you crazy so as a last resort you ask people on AST who will look down on you for forgetting.

Paraphrased:
Guy took a girl to see the movie "Ray" and asked her what she thought of it. She said "I could've done without the brother dying." He says, "Oh yeah, ya know who else coulda done without the brother dying? Ray Charles."

[Couldn'tThinkOfaName]

John Mulaney from the Top Part.

[funkyrhino]

(I thought there was a thread like this already, but I can't find it.)

This is the thread for when you can't remember who told a joke and you've asked your useless friends and Googled it and it's driving you crazy so as a last resort you ask people on AST who will look down on you for forgetting.

Paraphrased:
Guy took a girl to see the movie "Ray" and asked her what she thought of it. She said "I could've done without the brother dying." He says, "Oh yeah, ya know who else coulda done without the brother dying? Ray Charles."

John Mulaney

[Itslikeimsayin]

Thank you Couldn'tThinkOfaName, and to a much lesser extent, funkyrhino.

[Lustful Gustav]

Thank you Couldn'tThinkOfaName, and to a much lesser extent, funkyrhino.

- Itslikeimsayin from ASpecialThing.com

[smartbunny]

OK, who's the guy that used to do a bit about dogs at a cocktail party? Boston Terrier: "Bahk bahk bahk..." (lick the glass)

[dougbenson]

i dunno, but how about this one?

If I ever get a pet I'm going to name it Peeve.

[bao]

i dunno, but how about this one?

If I ever get a pet I'm going to name it Peeve.

I'm almost certain this is not the answer you're looking for, but the Crypt Keeper made a variation of this joke on Tales from the Crypt. So ... John Kassir?

[Keith Whitener]

Something about saying "I love you" at the end of phone calls so often that you think you're going to accidentally say it at the end of a business call.

[Flappity]

Who's the comic from the 80s who told a joke about getting into bodybuilding to make his penis larger but bulking up from working out just made his penis look smaller? And why do I hear him telling it in a deaf voice like Lou Ferrigno? Was there another bodybuilding deaf guy?

[crowbar]

Also, who's the guy who does the Jim Gaffigan voice?

[Harry B]

I've gained a lot of weight. I used to weigh 7 pounds.

Is that a joke or did I make that up? I feel like it might be Steven Wright. Am I wrong?

[Staircaseghost]

Something about saying "I love you" at the end of phone calls so often that you think you're going to accidentally say it at the end of a business call.

I definitely recall a variation on this from some cable standup show in the 90s, except it was "you too!"

As in, "Have a nice day!" "You too!" becoming so reflexive he had caught himself in "Have a nice flight!" "You too!... in case ...you ever decide to have a flight some day."

[BillBrasky]

Well, that's Brian Regan, but the "I love you" bit isn't I don't think. Sounds like Jake Johannsen or somebody like that.

[nickyp123]

Some variation of this premise.

When you get up and leave the house you check your pockets to see if you have your keys. What do homeless people do?

[isoS]

I definitely recall a variation on this from some cable standup show in the 90s, except it was "you too!"

As in, "Have a nice day!" "You too!" becoming so reflexive he had caught himself in "Have a nice flight!" "You too!... in case ...you ever decide to have a flight some day."

Yeah, that's a classic Regan. My wife and I still quote that: "You too! When you're flying! At that time!"

[Keith Whitener]

Come on, I know that Regan bit! I couldn't even have an AST account if I didn't.

I might have heard the I Love You thing at an open mic (or in my own head?).

[jkwall]

It definitely sounds familiar. I feel like it was actually in a sitcom or movie though, not a stand-up bit. But I might also be wrong.

[Arnold Pomegranate]

It definitely happened in an episode of King of Queens. Carrie's boss's name is Doug, just like her husband, so she reflexively says "I love you" at the end of the call.

[crowbar]

What's the name of the guy who does an hour of hack material and at the end says "That was my impression of a bad comedian."?