Television ~ it keeps killing my comedies!

[Darkstar1661]

Here I am, mindlessly watching TV as I decide whether or not I am going to get out of bed before 3PM. Channel surfing I see Spaceballs on ABC Family ~ think to myself, haven’t seen that for a while... I flip over to hear 'Comb the desert' ~ now thinking hehehe, this corny joke always gives me a chuckle.

So, we see comb one with the “nothing yet”. Comb two, check. But then we get to the afro pick, which we see for a split second before the scene cuts away. Huh? No “man, we aint found shit”? Ok, well I guess I understand that ~ but you couldn’t even replace “shit” with one of those horrible voiceovers we experience so often? Maybe something like “jack” could have worked? Or how about they just splice it after the word “found” ~ a better edit still cleans it for TV, but also allows a classic scene to be included where its needed! What we get is a big fat nothing. A partial scene which makes no sense because the punchline is deleted compeltely...

Luckily there isnt a ton of cursing in the movie to begin with, and almost all the suggestive stuff survives ‘editing’. (I mean hey, atleast they didn’t cut out or blur all the Dark Helmet scenes because of his penis necktie…) But it still upset me, and since it happens so often I figured I would ask who else has recently been let down in this manor… Missed a favorite line/scene from a movie as of late?

[ChrisCubasATX]

Not exactly a missing scene/line but my favorite censoring TV moment came while watching Do The Right Thing on I think USA a number of years ago. They replaced the word motherfucker with the not at all jarringly different "MickeyFickey" which lead to the greatest scene in movie on TV history:

Korean store owner: "Twenty C Enegizers?"

Radio Rahiem: "D MICKEYFICKEY! D!"

Korean store owner: "MICKEYFICKEY ME? MICKEYFICKEY YOU!"

Radio Rahiem: Just give me the mickeyfickey batteries!"

[ragu sauce]

~~~~~~~~~

[Famous Police Dog]

The only time I enjoyed Kevin Smith's Mallrats (or really any of his movies) was the censored version of it on the USA Network.

Hope this helps

[TacoSmith]

The only time I enjoyed Kevin Smith's Mallrats (or really any of his movies) was the censored version of it on the USA Network.

Hope this helps

Yes, where "All it took was a fat chronic blunt!" becomes "All it took was a fast karate punch!"

[Jixby Phillips]

The 90s comedy central version of CHEECH AND CHONGS NICE DREAMS is insane. They cut out all the drug references and replaced it with diamonds. Instead of doing space coke, Cheech is simply told that there are beautiful women on the space ship and THAT causes Cheech to burst through the walls and fly in the air. I would love to see it again. I honestly think it's funnier than the actual version.

[MongarEric]

I always liked the end of edited Office Space where instead of Peter and Lawrence exchanging a "Fuckin A", they both just say "A".

[man124]

I always liked the end of edited Office Space where instead of Peter and Lawrence exchanging a "Fuckin A", they both just say "A".

I think my favorite part of the edited Office Space is that that instead of them saying "fuck you in the ass" prison, they refer to it as "pound you into ash" prison.

[mcpiranhas]

I also love how Office Space has to replace just about every single song on the soundtrack with tamer rap tunes, which is particularly awkward when Bolton is lip-synching to one.

[Dimsdale]

Not a comedy, so I apologize if this is off-topic, but Die Hard With A Vengeance has my favorite cable edit of all time. There's a scene where John McLane goes down to Harlem with a sandwich board reading "I HATE [really bad word about black people that I don't feel comfortable typing]". Now, obviously, they can't show this on cable, but instead of switching it to 'I HATE BLACKS' or something, they switch it to 'I HATE EVERYONE'. The hilarious part is that everyone's reaction is completely the same so if you only saw the cable version you'd think that Harlem street gangs REALLY hate misanthropes.

[KevinLee]

Greg Johnson has a joke about this. How it's like Bruce Willis is wearing a sign that is basically the same as a MEAN PEOPLE SUCK bumper sticker and people are still about to stab him.

I looked for it on youtube and I couldn't find it, so instead I explained it.

Not as funny.

[smartbunny]

Oh man... this is an oldie but a goodie. When Peggy Sue Got Married has the scene where Kathleen and Nic Cage are parked by the water, and she asks him if Little Charlie wants to come out and play. The words "intercourse" and "wang" are used in the movie, but in the television edit - this is no joke - they leave in the dialogue but PLAY A FOGHORN over all of the lines. You must catch this if you can. You see them talking and you hear, "WEEEEE-OOOOOOOOO." Foghorn. Maybe 3 times. Holy crap. Priceless.

And that is what happens when you find a stranger in the alps.

[frogmann]

I think my favorite part of the edited Office Space is that that instead of them saying "fuck you in the ass" prison, they refer to it as "pound you into ash" prison.

Another good Office Space one was when they replaced Bolton's "You guys can both eat my ass!" with "You guys can both EAT MY EYES!"

I also loved when Comedy Central changed Bob Saget's line in Half-Baked to "I used to suck feet for coke!"

[TacoSmith]

Another good Office Space one was when they replaced Bolton's "You guys can both eat my ass!" with "You guys can both EAT MY EYES!"

I actually think I like that line better.

[man124]

I think the tv edit of American Pie is probably the lamest re-edit ever, as they decided that instead of re-dubbing the lines, they just cut all the inappropriate stuff out of the movie, which leads to a lot incredibly nonsensical and very unfunny scenes.

[smartbunny]

It's like Sex and the City; until I saw it on DVD I had only seen it on network, and I never knew that Will Arnett's character actually wanted his parents to watch him bang Miranda. I just thought she broke up with him because he always wanted to do it in public.

[mogate]

I think the tv edit of American Pie is probably the lamest re-edit ever, as they decided that instead of re-dubbing the lines, they just cut all the inappropriate stuff out of the movie, which leads to a lot incredibly nonsensical and very unfunny scenes.

So it's pretty similar to the unedited movie?

[punkdc]

I love how they cut the farting out of Blazing Saddles. Its just people sitting around the camp fire always makes me giggle. Who sits around a fire these days?

[angryrobot]

Watch how those bastards destroyed my favorite movie Pallies:

[Pimpbot]

I remember loving the tv edit of Major League. Here's one clip from the Best Week Ever blog:
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/02/2...d-i-cant-tell/