Parks and Recreation

[ASR]

I'm so sorry.

[RoyalDutchOfDukes]

Leslie reluctantly takes over the reigns of her family's mafia business after the attempted murder of her father! Leslie and April switch bodies! Leslie goes to Beverly Hills to solve the murder of her best friend! Leslie goes back in time to make sure that her parents get together! Leslie goes to a theme park where dinosaurs have been cloned! Leslie leads the all-black 54th Massachusetts into battle at Fort Wagner! Leslie and a band of Jewish commandos go on a mission to kill Hitler! Leslie accidentally allows a child to die while having sex with Evan Bayh, goes mad with grief and cuts off her clit!

CHALLENGE: Do one that mixes the plots of Die Hard, The Night Porter and Ice Pirates and also includes a jive talking robot and at least one of the Sweathogs, preferrably Epstein.

[RoyalDutchOfDukes]

I'm so sorry.

Don't be sorry Alec, this is good, this is where the healing begins.

[Tranado]

It would help me decide precisely what kind of dicksuck you are if you could manage to be coherent and pig-shit ignorant at the same time. Is that too much to ask?

Tranado, you disappoint me. You chose poorly when presented with the classic counter-troll gambit "If you're so smart, what would you do?" and actually tried to fart out a response, and it revealed you to be intellectually bankrupt. Then you followed up that face-flop with this bunch of gibberish, which if my Dipshit-to-English decoder ring is working correctly, seems to be saying that you think the use of the word "cunt" is a fad that has gone out of style (a highly dubious proposition, I might add!), that you want me to quit picking on you for being a loudmouthed imbecile who couldn't find a funny idea if it was vigorously humping your face and who, when given an open forum to illustrate the supposed shortcomings of the writers of Parks & Rec and highlight your own brilliant ideas failed miserably on both counts, and pick on "a British" instead, and then encouraged me to watch the UK Office, which is odd considering that we're not discussing the american Office (which, unlike, Parks & Rec, does need some serious writing regime changes). Did I come close to the mark?

Will watching the UK Office allow me insight into why you are not, at this very moment, fucking your own mother? Because that's the real mystery I want to get to the bottom of here. Let's get Quincy, M.E. and Lt. Colombo working on that in shifts while I work on the mystery of why any adult human being with the cognitive function necessary to find this board, register, log in and post would think that "DO A RIFF ON NEM FAMOUS PEOPLES WHUTS GETTING DEEVORCED" is a good example of a funny idea for a sitcom plot and why they would not think twice before offering that up as an illustration of why anyone should give two fucks what they think. Or why you think it's a good use of yours and everyone reading this' time to listen to your braindead, half-formed musings on a creative shortcoming of the writing of this show that so far only you, in your infinite wisdom, have been able to perceive.

Someone dig up Robert Stack, I am uncovering unsolved mysteries left and right up in here!

I'm creeped out by your detail. Are you good? Like really? Your concern is VERY passionate? You know it's a site rite? I'm concerned, the unsolved mysteries host has been dead for years. Your hairline has been dead for years. Your sex life has been dead for years. Your AST cute nerd wife has been dead for years. Your relatives have considered you dead for years...

[Tranado]

Don't bring Kindler into this... you brought this on yourself, Tranado!!! With any luck, we do this for at least another ten pages... then reddit finds it and creates a meme about it and then you live the rest of your life in meme shame.

GTFO with that corny shit.

[RoyalDutchOfDukes]

Shhh honey, your time is over now, a new thing is happening, try to stay out of the way.

Leslie and a cast of wacky funsters race to find stolen loot buried by a reputed mobster! Leslie kidnaps a Dutch woman, buries her alive, then does the same to her grieving husband years later after drugging him. Leslie runs a cantina where some old man and some whiny kid come in and cut a guy's arm off and just leave like it's no big thing. Leslie briefly becomes rich by selling bedazzled pork-pie hats. Leslie annexes the Sudetenland!

[suavepebble]

GTFO with that corny shit.

Leslie accidentally eats a piece of corny shit and has an existential crisis because she secretly thought it tasted wonderful.

[Tranado]

Shhh honey, your time is over now, a new thing is happening, try to stay out of the way.

[RoyalDutchOfDukes]

Leslie is brought back from Cairo in order to solve a series of murders of young girls who sell lottery tickets. Leslie can't stop eating pickles. Leslie and Ben engage in a tense Mexican standoff over the location of the Ipcress file in a special hour long episode. Leslie and Tom engage in a multi-state killing spree and the episode is cut like Natural Born Killers. Leslie and Jerry double team a one-legged Saigon whore named Mittens. Leslie farts into the Pope's hat and he dies, and she has to be the new Pope! Leslie and Larry Bird engage in a swordfight to the death, with the victor being the recipient of The Quickening. Leslie rides on the subway and reconnects with an old friend.

[Weinerslave]

Leslie travels to R'lyeh where dead C'thulu waits dreaming! Leslie goes to the mall to return a blouse and glimpses the horrors beyond the mountains of madness! Leslie gets locked out of her house and has to sleep with the Lurker at the Threshold, who froths as primal slime in nuclear chaos beyond the nethermost outposts of space and time! Leslie y'a'ing'ngah yog sothoth h'ee-l'geb f'ai trhodog uaaaah!

Leslie gets a dog!

[Gluehead]

Leslie gets locked out of her house and has to sleep with the Lurker at the Threshold, who froths as primal slime in nuclear chaos beyond the nethermost outposts of space and time!

Whitney already did an episode similar to this.

[MikThrontveit]

I haven't laughed so hard at a thread since "I make tapes" first went up. Suave, Royal, Weiner you guys my hero.

I want to join in, but it already seems like you're guys' "thing".

Anyway, I came here to say something about Ron Swanson and his flutes, but now I forgot.

[RoyalDutchOfDukes]

Mik comes into the thread and forgets what he was going to say, and Leslie says "whut up wit dat?" and makes a funny face! Leslie tries to shoot Gerald Ford. Leslie eats a tainted pie at Colonial Pawneetown and her food poisoning causes her to hallucinate going back in time. Leslie verbs a noun!

[Couldn'tThinkOfaName]

After being forced into eating a bad salad for a Healthy Pawnee health initiative, Leslie has a hallucination nightmare where she's forced to join forces with an alternative universe group of famous homosexual serial killers. She needs to hunt in order to survive....but guess what SHE'S THE GAME. Will she be able to outrun John Wayne Gaycy and Ed Gayn? Meanwhile, Tom is having trouble with his new moped! Jerry dies due to complications brought on by diabetes!!

[MikThrontveit]

Leslie buys Hula hoop and enters a contest, it goes bad. Leslie inherits the Cleveland Indians, she throws out the first pitch and poops her pants. Leslie starts accidentally selling psychedelic mushrooms to children, to cover she murders the children and hides the bodies in Andy's crawlspace, crazy antics ensue. Leslie and Anne write a song that changes a generation. Leslie moves to a new town, meets an old karate guy and despite bullying from other dojos, wins a fun karate tournament. Lesile moves to Okinawa Japan and wins a karate tournament. Leslie buys Ron a pet bird then accidentally kills it and tries to replace it with a similar looking bird. Lesile breaks her mom's vase while playing ball in the house.

[simpgeek]

You guys are only addressing half the problem. We need contrivances to get to Ann's house, because her house is a FUCKING STAR.

[Flappity]

A sinkhole opens underneath the former pit site near Ann's house, consuming the park. When the gang goes to investigate, they find Satan's legions swarming forth from the gaping cavity and Satan himself taking over Ann's house as a forward operating base. Ann wants him out because he's getting brimstone all over her things, Tom is willing to do anything for a set of Satan's "dope baller head horns" and is just about to trade his earthly swagga for a matched pair when Ron smashes the devil in the head with the claw end of a ball peen hammer, killing him, and Pawnee begins to crack and burn with the fires of hell as they reach out to crown Janet Snakehole as the new incarnation of the ultimate evil. A flash cut to Leslie waking from the nightmare and immediately vomiting from the food poisoning she got from eating an Eagleton waffle.

Serves her right.

[Hoov]

What the fuck happened in this thread?

[suavepebble]

Hoov is an agent provocateur... ignore him and continue.


Leslie accidentally eats a pot brownie at work and calls in a death threat to city hall... the death threat was against Leslie!

[suavepebble]

p.s. -- Then she goes to Ann's house.