Kyle Cease

[Berliner]

G: Well, I don’t think Katie Couric should have been the anchorperson for the news. She was originally a kicky young woman that did the on-the-street interviews, and she was known for her cuteness, and that’s why she was hired. The lady on the desk with all the stature that doesn’t speak good, Barbara Walters, was more of the kind of person you would have as an anchorperson, but in America, they are afraid to take a chance on people who aren’t known. This is how Conan [O’Brien] ended up with The Tonight Show: Rather than take a chance on somebody, they decide to advance from within. We promote people until they reach a point at which they’re incompetent.

Safe Bet: Conan O'Brien.

[darrylduffy]

actually.. can we put Gallagher in charge of Stage Time? show some respect.

[darrylduffy]

i love this part right from the beginning:

G: I can’t remember, but certainly I can discuss how I think America looks for the mediocre.

and then this later one:

AVC: What more would you like to add?

G: ... You know, the No. 2 or No. 3 winner of Star Search doesn’t have a career. You have to have a hit and play a major hall to have a career in singing. There’s no place where everybody says, “Ooh, we’d love to hear the No. 3, and we’re ready to just sit and listen to you sing and appreciate your talent.” No, they’re not going to see them unless they’re hot. You know? ’Cause I work these smaller halls, and they don’t have anybody. They’re stuck in the air, they’re going out of business, they have to be supported by tax dollars because America really doesn’t appreciate the performing arts. There’s no vaudeville. Show business isn’t organized. There’s no way of becoming a beginner and moving into intermediate [and] then being a professional. You either have a hit and work the stadiums, or you’re a nobody and you’re over with.

[Hated Milk Machine]

Originally Posted by darrylduffy

actually.. can we put Gallagher in charge of Stage Time? show some respect.

Dear Gallagher,

Huge fan! Quick question: what are your thoughts on mic grip? My friends tend to use an aggressive, choked-up grip, while I favor a looser, more carefree technique. Which is most effective for increasing my LPM (laughs per minute)?

Thanks in advance,
Hated Milk Machine

[Matt Braunger]

Originally Posted by John_Roy

I would like to take this opportunity to shit on my friend Matt Braunger. He is a known liberal, a user of inappropriate language, a serial fornicator, a harborer of opinions seditious to common decency, and a frequent imbiber of foul liquors.

Love it. Sorry I missed this earlier. So great.

[scamboogah]

Take a look at this list of career-less nobodies (people who competed on Star Search, but didn't win);

If only Ray Romano, Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, or Adam Sandler had finished first, they may have gone on to make something of their lives...

[RoyalDutchOfDukes]

The best part of that interview is his bizarre rant against people who bring bottles of water on stage because water isn't funny.

[Trial]

Wait Kevin Cease wasn't banking on making a career as Cease II was he?

[scamboogah]

Anyone who wants more Gallagher bat-shit bonkery should read SF Comedian Sean Keane's two part interview with him;

http://www.sfstandup.com/blog/2008/0...gher-part-one/

http://www.sfstandup.com/blog/2008/0...gher-part-two/

[TimBuktu]

Originally Posted by scamboogah

Anyone who wants more Gallagher bat-shit bonkery should read SF Comedian Sean Keane's two part interview with him;

http://www.sfstandup.com/blog/2008/0...gher-part-one/

http://www.sfstandup.com/blog/2008/0...gher-part-two/

THANK YOU. I read that Onion interview and was so sad when it ended. I want to hear him rant about nonsense forever!!!!

[Dogwelder]

I didn't think anything would top him criticizing comics drinking water on stage, but him going through his different side-projects near the end of that interview was pretty amazing. Uncle Earth, Man Tones, Dance Pyramid, and SmashMyFace. Each was more bizarre and ill-conceived than the last.

[Taul F. Pompkins]

he seems pretty sane to me. i mean c'mon he's trying to revolutionize slot machines and they won't let him. when will gallagher be allowed to speak?!

[suavepebble]

I love that this Kyle Cease thread has turned into a gallagher discussion. This is on sneeb level 12 (Yes, 12!) and this is why this message board really is a special thing.

p.s. - Fuck Kyle Cease.


p.p.s. - If Kyle Cease has a problem with what I just said then I challenge Kyle Cease to a battle of wits right here and right now. In fact, I will take on both Cease brothers at the same time. Let's go. Let's do this.

[scamboogah]

Originally Posted by suavepebble

I will take on both Cease brothers at the same time. Let's go. Let's do this.

Can we make this the undercard for the upcoming event where the winner of Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal's football pick-em gets to beat the loser with a Subway sandwich of their choosing?

[SlyBattery]

Ok, who thought it would "be fucking amazing" to turn this into a gallagher thread?

[Mack Luster]

Proof that you're all wrong. Via twitter:

Kyle CeaseAnyone else just dream drew carrey, orkin man, & my dad were a hot new baseball team running 4 president named the skipey ice cream hats?12:34 PM Today

[KittenMittens]

I came across this live chat with Kyle Cease http://www.livecloud.com/stadiumChat...vent/KyleCease on January 8th at 5:00pm (PT).

[drbristol]

Next time you are standing in line for your coffee you may hear someone say: “Like a Vagina”, or when you are standing in line for a Kyle Cease concert, the kid next to you might exclaim: “These are my shoes!”


Now I know who to blame. (high fives mirror image)

[TimBuktu]

I hate to pile on... but what the fuck Kyle Cease. You talk about speaking to your personal truth, but this is in your bio?

From the Moore Theatre in Seattle, Kyle takes on midgets, pirates and the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Way to take down the sacred cows dude.

Seriously though....

He ponders the big questions like why some people think NASCAR is a sport, what the “Juicy” on the back of sweatpants is really referring to, and how different things would be if God had a Napoleon complex.

just a reminder... this is what he lays out as the philosophy of his "boot camp"

"My Comedy Bootcamp is about being OK with shit in your life and using it on stage. Carlin, Pryor, Cosby, and Hicks, are legends because they speak the truth and don’t talk about airplane food like most road hacks. Instead they talk about their abuses and struggles. I want to teach you how to be a great stand-up comic and not just teach you setups and punchlines like other classes. Depth is so much more important then the basic ways to tell a joke."

Again, I ask..... WHAT IN THE FUCK?(see also: You've got to be fucking kidding me)

You know those hacks... the ones that talk about things like MIDGETS AND JUICY PANTS AND PIRATES.

What is the difference between talking about airline food and talking about the Pillsbury Doughboy? If Bill Hicks was alive, and heard you using his name to sell your comedy class, he'd kill himself.

I call farts, sir, FARTS.

[suavepebble]

You know how many last names derive from our forefather's profession or social status? Like if your name is smith you are probably the descendant of a blacksmith? Food for thought. I think Kyle's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather was this close to being named "knockitoffasshole" (pronounced nah-kit-offisal, of course) but they decided to have a little class about the entire situation.